Almost There

Almost There

Don't worry I'm still pregnant.  No baby yet!  Although there were a couple nights I wasn't so sure that she wasn't going to make an appearance.  But so far it looks like she is going to stay put til Tuesday.

WHICH IS IN LESS THAN TWO DAYS.  HOLY CRAP.

Holy crap I am going to have ANOTHER BABY.  HOLY CRAP.

I don't have much to report (besides HOLY CRAP) but I figured I would post SOMETHING just in case I run out of steam and don't get a post out tomorrow.  Which is Monday.  Which is the day before I am having ANOTHER BABY.  Excuse me, while I go crap my pants.

We've been in high gear getting all our ducks lined up and for some reason it feels like we don't have enough time.  And OF COURSE, we are fine and everything will be fine but Brian and I are very similar in the anxiety/perfectionist/'every single thing has to be checked off the list' way.  So we tend to need to get EVERY SINGLE THING done in order to feel better.  Which is really pretty unrealistic when you have three toddlers, a VERY pregnant woman and a daddy/husband who is already exhausted from the regular routine, much less the added load of the impending birth of his fourth child.  FOURTH.  FOUR CHILDREN.  FOUR CARSEATS.  FOUR SMALL PEOPLE.  FOUR.

I am feeling increasingly more...pregnant.  DUH, right?  But I just don't know what other word to use.  SUPER uncomfortable.  Super tired.  Can't sleep.  My feet HURT and look like baked potatoes.  Or eggplants.  Nothing out of the ordinary for this late in pregnancy.  I am just shy of 38 weeks pregnant.  THAT is something I never thought I would say!

Still, though, I've got nothing to complain about.  This is still easier than last time.  This pregnancy has been a pleasure and a treat.  Like I've mentioned before, I am sad that it will be over soon.  I will always be so grateful for this wonderful surprise opportunity to be a normal pregnant woman!  As tired as I've been, as busy as we are, as overwhelming as it has been to care for three toddlers and still try and take care of my pregnant self - this has been SO AMAZING.  Thank you God!!

We were outside with the kids today and I asked Brian to get one more shot of me and the kids before I pop.  They were so enthusiastic to be forced into a photo, let me tell you ;)

Who cares that no one is looking at the camera and that everyone looks PISSED OFF.

Tomorrow is our last day to get 'ready'.  And by ready, I mean more mentally than anything.  We can busy ourselves with projects and painting and lists, but ultimately we need to just sit down and breathe and let go.  Everything will be done and if it isn't perfect, it will be fine anyway.  I have to keep reminding myself of this :)

I will be taking the computer to the hospital so I can hopefully do a post with an update there.  If I don't do a post before leaving for the hospital then I'll surely have a quickie update (like last time) soon after.  Stay tuned!  And PLEASE KEEP PRAYING!

HOLY CRAP.

37 Weeks!

37 WEEKS!

I hit the 37 week mark this past Monday!  I am FULL TERM!  I have actually fully cooked a baby for the first time in my life.  I am just so excited and grateful.  I truly believed that I would never get this opportunity and I am still pinching myself - what a dream!  I am enjoying this pregnancy so much and I am feeling a little sad that it's almost over.  OK, very sad.  Like it HIT ME the other day and I couldn't stop crying.  OK, I know that's hormones too, but I really am sad that this is coming to an end.  I have truly enjoyed this pregnancy.  That's not to say that it hasn't been challenging or uncomfortable in any way.  But I guess my perspective is that I can't really complain about any of it too much because this is such a gift!  I am nowhere near "DONE".  And BOY do I know what DONE pregnant feels like - I am nowhere near that feeling.  I want to keep her in for much longer. Thankfully, there a wonderful prize at the end, so I think I'll be ok ;)
As far as symptoms/issues are concerned, I surely have them.  Sleep is pretty awful nowadays.  Reflux/heartburn is a constant.  Painful swelling is round the clock.  My hips feel like there are knives digging in to each side.  I have numbness in my hands due to the swelling - nothing like last time though.  It's hard for me to get in and out of bed/car/low chairs/etc.  My belly button is SO SORE.  My pelvic floor is uncomfortable, to say the least.  My girl bits ache.  I am tired all the time.  Trying to chase three 3-year-olds all day long doesn't help! 
I know, it sounds like I am CRAZY for enjoying this!  But really, I am! 
My skin isn't burning/bleeding this time! 
Food tastes amazing this time! 
I don't want to gag at every single thing this time! 
I haven't thrown up in my mouth this time (ewww)! 
I don't feel like my parts are falling out of my body this time! 
I don't feel like I am DYING this time! 
It's all about PERSPECTIVE, people!!! ;)

I had my 37 week appointment on Monday and everyone is still healthy.  I lost a pound, which I was SHOCKED by, considering the fact that I am eating with reckless abandon.  The ice cream consumption is obscene in this house.  Thank goodness that's not all I want.  I wanted to eat an entire bag of broccoli and cauliflower the other day - and I basically did it.  FOOD HAS NEVER TASTED THIS GOOD.  And yes, I have heard it from LOTS OF PEOPLE - I know I am going to have to lose this weight.  I am not freaking out about it.  I am enjoying my pregnancy and the miracle that is happening inside of me.  For the first and only time in my life,  food tastes good and I am allowing myself to eat what I want.  Food issues pushed completely aside for now.  I am comfortable with the way my body looks, rounded and full.  But I am very aware of other women's body image issues as they project them onto me during this pregnancy - very interesting!  Anyway, back to the appointment details!!!
Based on the ultrasound measurements and the fundal height measurements, Dr. Lantry ruled out the already slim possibility of VBAC - this baby is too big!  Given the condition of my uterus and the size of the baby, she will not allow it.  And although I wanted to keep it as a possibility (who wants to recover from surgery with 3 toddlers, a newborn and NO HELP - Brian goes RIGHT back to work the minute I get home from the hospital!!!), I was totally fine when we made the decision.  As it is, she feels confident that the baby is already over 4000grams (8.8lbs) and for 37 weeks gestation, thats ENORMOUS.  I know that there is a large margin of error for these measurements, but it was close enough to err on the side of caution, just to be safe. 

Sooooooo, we scheduled a date -

Bonus Baby will be born January 18th!

Its so strange to have a date - kinda cool!  Last time, my water broke unexpectedly - so although I knew I was close, I was still surprised and overwhelmed.  This time we can plan everything to the minute, which has allowed me to secure childcare for the triplets AND to make sure I have my FAVORITE nurse that day!  Yes, I have a favorite Labor and Delivery nurse - weird, I know, but that's what happens when you live in a hospital on bedrest...you get to know the staff!  It turned out to be quite a blessing and I am so happy she is going to be a part of this birth! :)
 In the meantime, I am trying to get the bare minimum done and still take it easy to minimize the contractions I have been having.  They are definitely real (not just braxton hicks), but very irregular in timing, so nothing to worry about.  They certainly take my breath away now, so I am definitely slower nowadays.  I can't do as much as before, so for a 'go-go-go' person like me, its a huge adjustment.  Brian is really carrying me at home and he is exhausted but we are making it.  I am so grateful for the help I do have, when I have it.  Our dear family friend Megan comes for a few hours once a week so I can go to the doctor - and I can't thank her enough - she is AMAZING.  Another dear friend comes one night a week so Brian and I can sit and eat a meal together and talk like grownups, and I am SO grateful for her generosity. She is the only one who can do our night-night routine! Times like these I really wish for more financial flexibility, just so I could hire someone.  After a day of caring for three toddlers by myself, I am so beyond wiped out and I DREAM of a nanny!  I'd even take one as obnoxious as that one from TV...Fran Drescher?  Who knows.  ;) Anyway, I am managing the best I can and have let pretty much everything go - no problem.  If you've been to my house lately, you can vouch for this! 
I have filled the gaps with friends as far as the week of my c-section.  I have it all scheduled out.  A couple of dear friends are going to provide coverage for the triplets as I will be in the hospital and Brian will be busy juggling being at the hospital with me and taking his shift with the triplets.  The thing I am most freaked about is the time AFTER I come home.  Brian, my mom, my sister - everyone works full time and no one has sick/vacation time or the flexibility to afford to miss any work.  Which means no paternity leave for Brian.  I am on my own, for the most part, during the day.  The thought of caring for 4 kids after abdominal surgery scares me.  We are running TIGHT as it is and if Brian doesn't work, we don't get paid.  I am grateful for his job, nonetheless, especially in light of how rough his company has it right now too - don't forget, in an effort to avoid layoffs, everyone's pay was cut by 10% a few months ago.  Times are tough.  I am grateful he has a job!  I will be collecting some disability but it is less than half of what my pay was, which was basically enough to pay for health insurance.  YES, we have tons of willing helpers for after 5pm, but I don't really want a house full of people at night (I learned that from last time) - its not as helpful as you might think. 
I just actually found out that my dad will be able to take a few days off - he actually HAS some paid time off!  Although he has never really cared for the triplets by himself, he will learn quickly and will be a huge help!
I KNOW that we will figure it out.  I KNOW that it will work out. I KNOW we will find a way to fill in the blanks.  I KNOW.  We brought home triplets with a strangely similar financial situation (what is it about me being pregnant and rough finanacial times anyway?!?) and we worked it out.  I will need to be as scheduled and structured as I was last time to maximize my time and energy.  I am up for the job.  I KNOW that it will be hard.  I know that there will be days that Brian and I will want to kill each other, simply because of the stress level , but we will work it out as we always do.  We have done survival mode before. We can do it again.
I do have to say that if I hear one more woman with just one kid out shopping WITH her nanny complain to me about how tired she is, I will actually punch her in the face.

BIG SMILEY FACE :)

I didn't take a specific 37 week photo but here are some shots from the shower my sister gave me this past Sunday!  I have mentioned before, it was kind of a last minute thing so we had to keep it small - please do not feel bad if you didn't receive an invitation!  We will have a get together later in the year when the weather is warm and we can fill the backyard! :)

Here are some of my fellow Trader Joe's ladies - Trader Joe's employees are the best!

My Mom, Me and my sister Pamela

Some friend and family!

Brian's sister who is also expecting!), Brian's Grandma and me

Some of my dear friends

Niki, Me and Auntie Jenny

Me (apparently sinking into the chair!) and Blue - I can't even express how much I love this girl!

Miss Mary with her BEAUTIFUL daughter Eva

There are more photos but You get the idea!  I feel awful that I didn't make more of an effort to make sure to get a picture with everyone.  Its one of those things that slips your mind when so much is going on!

I am so grateful for this shower for the generosity of loved ones.  As I mentioned before, we thought we were done so we got rid of almost EVERYTHING!  We got lots of much needed stuff for Bonus baby and we are SO very grateful!!

All stress aside, I am grateful.  We are surrounded by love and support and prayer.  We have beautiful healthy children.  One day at a time, I just have to continue to remind myself!

Stay tuned - and PRAY THAT MY WATER DOESN'T BREAK before the 18th! ;)  I don't need any more surprises!

36 Weeks!

36 WEEKS!

This past Monday I hit the 36 week mark! So crazy to think that I have three kids and have never been this pregnant before! Although I am HUGE, I am still no where near as big as I was near the end with the triplets. And I still have the loose skin to prove it - Nice image in your head now, right? ;)

This pregnancy has truly flown by - especially since I only knew about it 18 weeks ago! I already regret not taking more pictures so tonight I grabbed Brian as soon as he came home from work and told him to take a couple photos. These are with my camera phone (our camera is still being dealt with!!!) so they're not the best but they're better than nothing.

Getting all 3 to smile is nearly impossible nowadays so I take what I can get!

Healthwise, pregnancy is going swimmingly.  No gestational diabetes, no high blood pressure - just and enormous baby (and enormous mommy)!  The doctor was shocked when the gestational diabetes test results came back to show that I did NOT have gestational diabetes.  Based on my weight gain and the size of the baby it was almost just assumed that I had it!   THANKFULLY I am in the clear!

I just worked my last night on New Year's Eve.  I was hoping to be able to go longer but being on my feet for 8 hours a night after caring for three 3-year-olds was too much and the doctor pulled me!  I would definitely still be working if I had a desk job (and NO kids at home to wear me out!) that's for sure.

I have definitely reached the point of discomfort, but I really can't complain because this is still beyond easy compared to last time.  I am very grateful for this!  I have the typical end of pregnancy issues:  belly button pain, indigestion, sleep issues, back pain, hip pain, swelling, numbness, etc.  Nothing to worry about!

The kids and I were all sick over Christmas and New Years which made it really rough, but we survived and it looks like we're all in the clear now.

I have to admit, we are no where near ready for this baby. No birth plan.  My bag is not packed.  Nothing washed.  Have not gotten anything ready.  Don't even have any furniture.  Anything we have is still in bags/boxes.  And people keep asking me, "don't you have everything left over from the triplets?"  The answer is "NO!"  We gave it ALL AWAY because we thought we were done having kids!  It still cracks me up! ;)  I DO have lots of donated newborn clothes, blankets, a swing, carseat, boppy and 2 pack-n-plays.  Thank goodness!  If worse comes to worse, she can sleep in the pack-n-play.  I'm not even worried about it anymore.  I can't think too far ahead, and for a planner like me - that is a big deal.  I had to let go.  The stress of where the money/time/energy would come from is not mine to carry.  I surrendered it (MOSTLY) because I have faith that everything will just come together.  It always does.  Not always the way I would plan for it...but it still works out.

NAMES - People keep asking and I am sorry to say we do NOT have a name chosen.  We are down to 2 names though.  He prefers one and I prefer another.  I am considering putting a poll up on the side of the blog to see what people think, but then I don't know if I want everyone's opinions!  And, boy do people have opinions when you're pregnant!  Maybe I'll ask for votes at my shower :)

My sister is throwing me a small shower in a few days and I am looking forward to seeing some friends that I haven't seen in a long time.  I think I mentioned in a previous post, we had to keep it small so please don't feel bad if you didn't receive an invitation.  We are hoping to do another get together sometime in the spring after the baby is born.  That will just be easier for all of us. 

I need to run and make dinner but I am so glad I forced myself to sit and type out a quick update.  I need to be a better blogger!

Thanks for checking in and stay tuned!!!

P.S.  I feel weird/tacky posting this but many of you have been asking so here you go - We are registered at babiesrus under "Cindy Spayth".  Thank you!

25 & 1/2 Weeks And A Bit Of Real Life

25 & 1/2 Weeks And A Bit Of Real Life
I am warning you now - ths post is long and all over the place.   MUCH like the posts from last pregnancy.  It's been a while since I've had a 'spill my guts' post, so I guess it's time.  This one's more for me than for you (all two of you who still read this blog).  I PROMISED myself I would do my best to document this pregnancy on the blog.  So far it's been pretty LAME!  This time around I am just SO BUSY.  I haven't even taken any pics aside from the last one we posted at 22 weeks!  So like I said, this is more for me (using this blog as my journal) than for you.  Here is a recent shot - taken last night.

This baby won't have as much documented and I feel bad about that.  SOOOOO a crappy photo is better than NO photo!
Yes I realize that I have one more child than is shown in the photo.  Jackson would NOT be in the picture and was throwing a fit to the side.  I wasn't willing to fight this time around, so you just get Alexis and Zachary! :)

There are SO many photos I want to post.  Like - DUH - the 20 weeks ultrasound images!  And from Jackson's recent haircut and our trip to Descanso Gardens to see the pumpkins.  But they are on my phone and I am having problems getting the pictures off my phone.  I am dealing with tech support and will hopefully get it resolved. 
And why are they on my phone?  Because our point and shoot camera has been dead for a while and I think (HOPE) all it needs is a battery.  Another thing on the list to buy.  We need to get on it because with that back in business it will be much easier to take and upload photos.  And I REALLY want to make sure to document as much of this pregnancy as I realistically can -what's left of it, at least!
Otherwise, this pregnancy has been fantastic so far.  At least from my perspective, being that the last one was EXTREMELY difficult.  I have been feeling better than I did a few months ago (when I didn't know I was pregnant!) and I am SO grateful for this.  I LOVE THIS PREGNANCY!  I can, however, feel myself turning that third trimester corner.  I am getting more tired and having some uncomfortable symptoms as I grow, which is to be expected.  The only really bad pregnancy symptom I've had is the digestive problems.  That's the nice way to put it, btw.  Basically it feels like my guts are filled with granite.  VERY uncomfortable.

I am in much less pain this time around.  I would even say that I don't really have much pain except for nights that I work.  Being on my feet for most of 8 hours is really rough on my lower back and growing hips and my feet get so swolen!

One of the things I enjoy most about this pregnancy is feeling this baby move.  She is INCREDIBLY active. Not only is she a super kicker (like Zachary was) but a roller and wiggler (like Jackson and Alexis were).  I don't know when she sleeps!  And she kicks the strongest in the middle of the night.  Without fail, she starts turbo kicking me somewhere between 2am and 3am.  This is NOT good for my sleep schedule but I smile every time.  I LOVE feeling this so much!  :)

I am carrying higher than I imagined I would this time around.  I figured since all my muscles were so stretched and wrecked from the triplet prengancy, that if I ever had another pregnancy it would be LOW.  Not really the case, thank goodness.  The only thing about carrying higher is that the heartburn is HORRIBLE.  I would even say WORSE this time around.  And, if you really want to know, my "fanny pack" isn't filling in.  Which is NOT pretty!  And THAT is why you are not getting any bare belly shots this time around - not just because Brian put the kibosh on it!  You got enough last time anyway ;)

My appetite this time around has been ridiculous.  I want the same things ALL THE TIME.  Unfortunately it's all CRAP.  I want cheese pizza (which I never really cared about before), Pancakes, Thrifty Rocky Road ice cream, and Whopper Juniors with no cheese -  I KID YOU NOT.  It's awful.  And NOTHING can be spicy enough.  It's like I can't even taste spice - I want everything hot!  Not ALL of it has been crap.  I do like Trader Joe's BBQ chicken salads.  I want one every day pretty much. 
I remember last time, all I wanted were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pancakes, gazspacho, pho, and cold cuts (which I wasn't allowed to have).  There was not much else that sounded good because I was so sick!  Last night I went to the mall to buy a pair of pregnancy pants and I was SO EXCITED about getting a slice of cheese pizza in the food court.  SO not me!  I think I could eat pizza every day this time around!

I am gaining weight pretty much the same way as last time - only up top.  I basically look like a potato with toothpick legs.  You may think, at first, that it's a good thing.  But I didn't say I am all belly - I am gaining it ALL up top.  Like a true "Apple" I gain it in the abdomen, back, chest and face.  Blagh!

Life outside this wonderful pregnancy has unfortunately been stressful.  Brian's most recent job interview didn't work out and he is still searching diligently for a new position.  ANYWHERE.  Especially now that his company announced that they're not doing well and that they are cutting everyone's salaries in an effort to avoid layoffs.  The layoffs seem inevitable, however, based on the numbers of how the company is actually doing.  eek.  Praying.

My goodness, didn't we just do this last year?  Or should I say, haven't we BEEN doing this since last year?  When I look back to those old post, I really seen HOW ROUGH this past year and a half has been. 

BREATHE. 

And then I get pregnant.

BREATHE.

I know in my heart that God knows what he's doing.  But let me tell you it's HARD to keep mindful of this sometimes.  I am tired.  I am tired of struggling like this.  This is NOT where we saw ourselves.  We have made lemonade out of lemons but it's HARD on us.  Hard on our marriage.  And I hate to admit it, it DOES affect our kids.

BREATHE.

Back to it - This whole salary cut/potential layoff was definitely bad news, especially since I am working fewer hours now that I am the size of Rhode Island. 
And, let me tell you, I would be willing to MOVE to Rhode Island if there were a job opportunity for Brian that would provide for our family.
We have opened our search back up to ANYWHERE, since this economy is so rough and California's unemployment/cost of living is not improving. His last interview was actually for a position in Dallas.  Although it didn't pan out, we continue to pray that something will open up somewhere. 
In the meantime it's tough with both of us still working opposite hours - Brian doing the Monday through Friday 8-5 thing and me doing the nights and weekends thing.  I REALLY miss having weekends and doing fun stuff (birthday parties, etc).  And, NO, we didn't suddenly grow a nanny/gardener/house cleaner tree - we are still doing it all ourselves.  So you can imagine the state of our house nowadays.  Now that I am pregnant and more phyisically tired I have to let go of even more, which is not easy.  Some things just don't get done, which unfortunately adds stress.  Its truly a balancing act. 
As far as help is concerned, we don't have the help we used to, like that first year with the triplets - HOLY CRAP WAS THAT CRAZY!  Oops, sorry - just thinking back to that time makes my head spin.  ;)
Nowadays, we are stretched THIN. I pay a friend to come once a week to watch the kids for a couple of hours on Fridays so i can leave for work before Brian get's home from work.  They LOVE her, which is really nice. :)  My parents come once a week on Sunday nights (while I am at work) to play with the kids and to help Brian with dinner and baths. He uses this time to get a lot of his work done (yardwork, kitchen, etc). 
A few months ago, in a moment of frazzled fury we were coming apart at the seams (this was even before finding out I was pregnant) I ended up calling our friend Jen - in tears - and we ended up asking her to come over one night a week to help us so Brian and I can relieve some stress and avoid killing each other (AND, of course, so we can get stuff done). It had gotten to THAT point.  Since then, Jen has been so generous with her time, giving us one night a week - every single week.  She has TWO jobs herself but loves us and the kids so much that she has happily agreed to extend us this help.  And she really wants us to stay married to each other ;).  Although it's literally only about 2.5 hours a week - her help is SO MUCH.  We are so very grateful.

SO much is up in the air - so many questions.
Can we find a less expensive place to live and move before this baby comes?  Will I still have to work nights with a newborn and pump in the store-room and leave Brian home alone at night with FOUR under four?  Can Brian's comany at least keep it together until we find another job for him - maybe a job that actually pays more than unemployment did and one that actually provides benefits?  Can we add ANY more to our plate?
I can't control everything.
At this point, I am one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time!  I can't think past tomorrow.  It just stresses me out too much.  I have to believe that God's timing is perfect and that as long as we continue to do our VERY BEST, the right solutions will present themselves.  I have hard days, I can't lie.  I never saw us in this place but I know that everything that is truly important is still in tact.  I am SO grateful for this fact.
This baby will be here in a matter of a couple of months and although I would LOVE if all of this stress were resolved before the baby arrives, I am fully aware that it just may not be.  And we have to find a way to make it work no matter what.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

22 Weeks Belly Shot - Bonus Baby!

22 Weeks Belly Shot - Bonus Baby!

We haven't exactly been documenting this pregnancy like we did the last one.  Not that it isn't exciting or important.  It's just that...who has time?!?!  But I figured I better start taking belly shots so I can have the memory for us and for the kids (if they even end up reading this blog when they grow up!).

Here's my 22 week singleton belly!

I realize that I look almost as big this time at 22 weeks as I did with triplets at 22 weeks.  They say you pop sooner and grow bigger the second time around - who knows.  I feel MUCH better this time around.  I am not in constant pain like last time.  This is a piece of cake compared to carrying triplets!  Last time I was in MISERY by 22 weeks.  UGH!

Here's my 22 week TRIPLETS belly.  MISERY!

20 week ultrasound images are still coming. I know, I know.

Looking Back - 31 weeks (and another tooth!)

Looking Back - 31 weeks (and another tooth!)

Let me start by saying that we had an exhausting but wonderful weekend!
Friday night, I stayed up WAY too late but had a great night catching up with one of my closest girlfriends, Michelle, who was visiting from San Diego. I really paid for it on Saturday. I just can’t stay up that late and be ok the next day like I used to. I was really suffering on Saturday. I sound like an old fogey saying that, I know.
Sunday was an incredibly busy day as it was the day of the babies traditional Korean first birthday party. More info on that coming soon!

Jackson cut another tooth this weekend! That makes TWO for him! So we’ve got Zachary with eight, Jackson with two and Alexis…still with none! Even without teeth, she can sure plow through some chewy foods with her gums!

Their actual birthday is this Thursday and we plan on having a quiet night at home with the babies. I’ll give them each their very own cupcakes and Brian and I will sing “Happy Birthday”. I am looking forward to seeing them devour their cakes!

But for the real reason I am up later than I want to be…the continuation of the re-cap/countdown to their birth!

When I thought of doing this re-cap I thought it was a good idea not only for me, to get this stuff written down, but also to share with you as I look back and to make up for the fact that I never did a birth post. HOWEVER, I realize now that each post is the same. Misery!

Picking up where I left off, Lantry had left for the weekend and I was doing my best to hang on. I had pretty much lost my marbles and was delirious. I realized that I would be ok in the mornings but was DONE by the afternoon/evening. I would take my shower in the afternoon/evening to break things up and give me something to look forward to. I was getting more and more exhausted and I was less and less able to stay asleep for very long. My energy levels were shot but I was too uncomfortable to sleep well. I had lost my appetite.

This is the very last picture taken at 30 weeks and 5 days…almost a week before the babies were born:

I had developed a painful rash on my belly from the constant monitoring and alcohol based gel used for the monitors. We ended up using lotion instead but it was still painful. Numbness had started to really take over my whole body. I had to make my already short showers even shorter because I would get SO huge and swollen standing for that long and have horrible tingling in my legs. I think Brian (or was it my sister?) had to help me get off the toilet once. I just couldn’t get up by myself at that moment.

I could no longer sit up for more than a few minutes. Otherwise I would have LOTS of pain in my girl bits (lots MORE I should say) if I sat up too long. Also, my contractions would increase in frequency and intensity the longer I sat up. If I did sit up, I had to sit on a pillow because the pressure on my bottom was too much. Yes, I mean my butt. And I would get way more graphic than that but I think I’ll refrain. Let me just say that I learned what hemorrhoids were during those last few days.

I spent even more time on my side. Which meant more numbness. Turning over required help. I had to hold onto the side rails of the bed and get a little help pushing/pulling myself when I wanted to switch sides. I felt like a beached whale.

My blood pressure remained in a safe range which was wonderful.

Lantry had checked my cervix (painful) before leaving for her ski trip and I was 1 cm dilated, 80% effaced and at -2 station. Whatever that meant. Either way, I wasn’t going anywhere.

I started to really swell up, although I didn’t realize how much and how fast at the time.
I remember saying that thinking of being pregnant for another few weeks made me want to stick a fork in my eye. How’s that for keeping it together? HA HA!

Its funny, looking back on the e-mails I received during that time (yes, I saved ALL OF THEM) from fellow triplet mammas. It is so clear now how well they knew exactly what was happening to me. How I was slipping and starting to lose it.
Reading these posts is kinda hard for me because it really brings me back and I realize how traumatic the whole last days (and birth and NICU…) were for me.
I made it to 31 weeks. That was the longest week of my life, thus far. I felt like I was dying.
Little did I know, I was only days away…

Stay tuned.

looking back - 30-ish weeks

Looking back - 30-ish weeks

Around this time last year, I hit the 30-week mark and although I was miserable, I was encouraged to have reached such a big mark. 30 weeks seemed so far off earlier in the pregnancy. Suddenly, it was here. WE had made it to 30 weeks. It was actually incredible to me. I was grateful to have made it so far. Miserable, but grateful.

30 weeks and bringing sexy back.

Unfortunately, 30 weeks felt WAY crappier than I had expected. But I had my girls right there with me. Joy (who is now pregnant AGAIN!!!) had just had her babies and Pam was just popping her boys out. It was good for me to have friends in the computer going through the same things as I was. I felt less alone. On top of that, I had tons of people, including fellow triplet mammas rooting for me and e-mailing the kindest and most supportive things.

All of your comments and phone calls and e-mails really helped me cope a little better. Nothing, however, helped me deal with how BULBOUS my nose was getting. I looked like Rudolph.

And the VAGINA PAIN. Oh wait…I just heard my mom bite her lip with disapproval because I typed VAGINA. Haven’t done that since pregnancy. I don’t think.
Moving along…at the beginning of this day, I was very uncomfortable but I was doing OK. Or so I thought. As the day progressed, I went down the crapper and later that evening I had another meltdown. I was slipping fast. I hurt all over. I wanted to take something so I could just sleep through the rest of the pregnancy. I had though I had a high threshold of pain until then. I even passed a kidney stone at a church retreat in Lake Arrowhead earlier in the year (pre-pregnancy) and didn’t even know it. I just thought I needed to drink more water! But no…THIS was the most pain/discomfort I had even experienced. This was the hardest thing I had ever done. Broken nose, horrible periods, sprained ankle, miscarriage, HSG, bikini waxes, passing several kidney stones…none of these things compared to how I was feeling at this moment. I was bleeding, itching, diarrhea-ing, refluxing, aching, contracting, burning.

And then I was done. DONE DONE DONE. I was melting. I felt like I was dying. My blood felt like it was curdling. My skin was crawling and it hurt to touch. My tongue burned. But wait, I had many more days to go!

If there were a way to have others be in my shoes for a few minutes I would have totally let them. In fact, it would be an effective form of birth control. Instead of those cheesy three screen assemblies in high school where they jump up and down enthusiastically, wearing headset microphones, as they talk about STDs and teen pregnancy, there should instead be a way for each high school student to experience the end of THAT pregnancy. I GUARANTEE, the teen pregnancy rate would drop dramatically. If only.

Anyway, back to it. I wish I had some more fond memories to relay but I had already lost my mind at that point and I was done with everything around me. I was frustrated that the only channels that would come in were USA network, TNT and CNN. I watched a LOT of Law & Order.

I had the CUTEST ‘bedrest’ clothes that friends had given to me. NONE of which I actually wore because they were all warm and fuzzy and I was all hot and sweaty. Even in the middle of the night I couldn’t sleep with any blankets. Not even a sheet.

My sister really jumped in at that point with her humor and excellent way of anticipating my needs. She brought lots of goodies to make my room more homey and yummy stuff from Trader Joe’s (where she works). Those Candy Cane Joe Joe’s needed to SHUT UP, they were so good to me. And not a lot was good to me then, so this was something to really celebrate. I ate enough of those to make my belly pop. I still had a innie at this point last year. Which, come to think of it, my belly button never actually popped.

Lantry was leaving on a weekend ski trip to Mammoth with her family. I was told, whatever I do, DO NOT GO INTO LABOR. I told her that I would keep them in, no matter what. Although I had moments where I wished I could just fast forward and get it over with already.

Ugh, I realize that this is just one big miserable random post. This isn’t even going to be fun to read for you. Sorry bout that. Just keeping it real. I wish I had a better attitude at that point but I just didn’t. I was losing my crap.
Stay tuned.

Looking back – the beginning of the end

Looking back – the beginning of the end

This is what I looked like about a year ago (actually this was taken 11/30/07 so it’s a little over a year, if you want to get technical):
HOLY CRAP, I was HUGE. Bigger than this picture even shows. And I still had almost two more weeks to go! And I felt like a steaming pile of crap. I remember right before Thanksgiving is when I turned another corner and things got much, MUCH more difficult. Physically and emotionally. I wasn’t yet delirious (that would soon follow) but I was in horrible shape. MISERABLE. Using all of my strength to stay as positive as possible so I wouldn’t lose it. I was SO on the verge of losing it, as those of you who were following along at the time may remember.

I had just been admitted (actually admitted on November 26) for the long haul and was taking things one day at a time. I had finally found out the sex of baby A (ALEXIS!!!) and was thrilled to have a mixed bag. I was going to get my baby girl. I called her my “secret” baby since I was the only one who could feel her kick, she was so wedged into my pelvis. My poor pelvis and her poor little cramped body! She was holding the weight of those big brothers of hers.
Baby B (who ended up shifting and becoming baby C – Jackson) wasn’t moving much but was wedging his way so far up into my lungs that I couldn’t take big breaths anymore, no matter how I moved or what position I was in. His butt was clearly visible on my belly. As if he was showing everyone his butt that early on to say, “Hey, here’s what I think.” I should have known then what kind of attitude he would have now!
Baby C (who eventually shifted to become Baby B, Zachary) was kicking the crap out of my entire left side and I really felt so tender and bruised from the inside. He would kick the monitors (UGH, those monitoring sessions) and would cause the nurses to have to ‘search’ for him again. He never stopped kicking me. My ribs hurt to touch! He is still my kicking boy to this day! Sweet Zachary!

A few days later, on December 1, I took a huge nosedive. I think Brian and I were just stretched to our capacity. We had such a stressful year. Brian’s Mom was getting sicker and he felt like he couldn’t do enough. He would work all day, and maybe try to spend some time with his Mom and come to the hospital every night until SO LATE so he could be with me and support me and help me go to the bathroom and shower and all that fun stuff. He was DONE. He had spent MONTHS taking care of me and trying to give his best at a new job, all while his Mom was getting sicker. I felt so bad for needing him so much. He was stretched to his limit. His heart bas breaking and still trying to stay strong for me. My heart ached for him. We were both losing it. He went home that night and I ended up crying for hours. I couldn’t stop.
Looking back, that was the beginning of ‘the end’. Actually, being admitted was the beginning of the end as I think I really went downhill once I started hospital bedrest. They say that some people do better in the hospital – I am NOT one of these people. In retrospect, I had a much easier time at home. Of course, it wasn’t an option as my cervix had shortened so much and my contractions were not letting up. Lantry was not going to give me Magnesium Sulfate to stop the contractions at this point since she said I was too at risk of developing clots and something about pulmonary thrombosis. I don’t even remember. I just remember that I did take some terbutaline shots in the arm to stop contractions and WOW did that make me feel strange. I remember I could not stop shaking.
I remember those contractions SO clearly. I had just gotten used to contracting all the time since I had been doing it (mostly irregularly) for so long. It had just become a part of pregnancy for me. I remember watching the contractions on the TOCO (short for tocodynamometer) since I was hooked up to it 24 hours a day. I could see the hills and valleys and would count how long and how close. I would just lay there on my side watching that dang machine. I remember my skin burning SO BADLY and having red dots of blood on my tank top from the skin stretching so much and breaking skin. The alcohol based ultrasound gel that was constantly on my skin just intensified the feeling. It was no longer irritation. It was pain. It had actually been pain for quite a while.

I also remember how connected my contractions were to my emotional well-being. It was this pregnancy that REALLY showed me how connected our body is to our state of mind. If I cried, I contracted. If I couldn’t stop crying, the contractions got stronger and closer together. It took all of my energy and LOTS of prayer for me to keep it together. I BEGGED God to change the way I felt as I lay there alone in my silent hospital room that night, with only the lights of the contraction monitor. I am in tears now just typing that because I can remember the intensity of how I felt. I was no longer able to keep it together. I remember then being humbled as I thought of the last night for Christ in The Garden of Gethsemane. I thought of how afraid he must have felt and how he was in such agony. I think that thought was placed into my head right at the perfect moment. It gave me perspective. A kick in the pants. My misery, although seemingly unbearable at the time, was temporary. Like Lantry would say, “You’re not dying. Suck it up.” She was right. BTW, I am by NO MEANS comparing myself with Jesus. I hope I made that clear. If anything, I became even more in awe of and humbled by his sacrifice.

I had finally reached the big 30 week mark and I was determined to keep it together. Instead of day by day, I was just taking one moment at a time. Little did I know that it would get a bit better AND worse and then eventually more difficult than I had imagined.

Re-hashing this is actually EXHAUSTING and I just started a new round of Progesterone (a whole other post is in order, I know) and I haven’t taken progesterone since before I was pregnant – with the exception of the progesterone suppositories in the first trimester of this pregnancy. I now remember why I used to take it at night. I makes me SO TIRED. My body feels like it is filled with lead. Of course, I took today’s dose with lunch so by 6pm I wanted to pass out. Tomorrow’s dose is at bedtime, for sure!
And quickly since some of you may be wondering PCOS-wise, “Aren’t you on Metformin? What’s going on?” Lantry took me off the Metformin for now b/c she was concerned that I had not had a period in months. She’s got me doing the Progesterone thing (actually Medroxyprogesterone – generic for Provera) to give me a couple of periods. Its been so long since I’ve done this PCOS/hormone/medication dance that I had forgotten how exhausting it is. There’s so much more I want to share on the PCOS front, but that’s for another day.

In the meantime, I’ll continue the re-cap of the last days before birth. Stay tuned.

Want your own post-triplet pregnancy belly?

Want your own post-triplet pregnancy belly?

Get a box of Jello. A big one. Any Flavor. Make a bowl of Jello by following the instructions on the box.

Once the Jello is set, get a fork and poke/cut through the entire bowlful. Not too much, just enough to make it chunky throughout.

Pour the entire contents of that bowl of Jello into a fanny pack. All of it.

Zip up the fanny pack and put it on, making sure it sags over your lower abdomen. Make sure you’re naked first.
Now, proceed to get dressed as you normally would. Put on your underwear, pants, etc. Just make sure that you put your pants on OVER your fanny pack. It should always go underneath all of your clothes.

Go through your underwear drawer searching for something to help keep that fanny pack in place under your clothes. Use whatever works.

Now, go on about your day and out into the world as usual. Try not to think about the jiggly bag of skin Jello in your pants.

Adjust your fanny pack throughout the day.

Now, here’s the kicker…never take it off. Ever. The only way you can take it off is if you give a doctor anywhere from $3500 to $10000 to do it for you. They call this procedure a tummy tuck.

Enjoy!

P.S. Today is Brian's Grandma's 90th Birthday - Happy Birthday G'ma!

The reason you haven't seen a pic of my bare post pregnancy belly

The reason you haven't seen a pic of my bare post pregnancy belly

Sometime in January...

Cindy: I am thinking of posting a belly pic now.

Brian: Now? You're not pregnant anymore.

Cindy: Yeah, like a post-pregnancy belly shot. Before and after.

Brian: I don't think that's a good idea.

Cindy: We'll see. I'll think about it more.


A couple weeks later...

Cindy: So, I'm thinking I'm gonna post belly shot.

Brian: Are you serious?

Cindy: Yes

Brian: I don't think so.

Cindy: Why??

Brian: You do realize that EVERYONE we know IN REAL LIFE reads the blog, right? Your parents, my parents, our entire family, all of our friends, people I work with...

Cindy: yup

Brian: And you don't care?

Cindy: no

Brian: (long pause) I don't think so.


A couple of weeks later...

Cindy: So I'm thinking of posting a picture of my post-pregnancy belly.

Brian: WHAT???

Cindy: Yeah

Brian: You're kidding, right?

Cindy: No.

Brian: But we already talked about this.

Cindy: Yeah, I know. I want to post it. I know I'D want to see someone's post pregnancy belly shot. ESPECIALLY post triplets pregnancy. I want to show people the pouch. The apron. The fanny pack. The...

Brian: Stop.

Cindy: WHAT??

Brian: You are NOT posting a pic of your belly. I am drawing the line.

Cindy: Come on!

Brian: No.

Cindy: Why not?

Brian: Because its TOO MUCH! You're sharing too much.

Cindy: Do you not remember the stuff I posted about during my pregnancy?? That wasn't too much???

Brian: That's different.

Cindy: Why?

Brian: I don't know...because you were pregnant. Now you're not. No one wants to see that.

Cindy: (long pause) you're embarrassed, aren't you? You're embarrassed by the fanny-pack...

Brian: Ohmygod...are you kidding me??? STOP it. I am not embarrassed. Its just too much.

Cindy: come on...

Brian: No.

Cindy: fine.

Brian: fine.

A couple of weeks later...

Cindy: So, I'm thinking about posting a post-pregnancy belly shot.

Brian: Cindy...

Cindy: WHAT???

Brian: STOP.

Cindy: WHAT?

Brian: I am NOT going to change my mind. STOP ASKING.

Cindy: WHATEVER.

30 Weeks

Hi everyone. Its actually 30 weeks and 3 days. We’ve got one week down and hopefully a few more to go. It really is the home stretch now!
I am doing a bit better than I was this weekend. I have had a rough couple of days. The Friday evening nosedive and the huge increase in contractions has been a lot to handle. Friday night and all day Saturday were the worst for me. I could not stop crying. I haven’t cried so much in a long time. SO much about this time is hard and there is stuff going on for us outside of the pregnancy that is tough and I can’t talk about it here. I feel like we’re being challenged in so many ways and I know my most important job is to keep it together so I can continue to be OK for growing the babies. But the reality is there ARE other things and there is some real sadness and pain. At some moments, it feels like these babies are our only joy at the moment. Of course this is not true – but I am SO glad we have these babies to focus on. Its so amazing that one of the biggest challenges in our lives is actually helping us to cope with even tougher things. These babies are a bright spot for us right now! I am so excited to meet these babies and I can’t imagine the joy I will feel when I get to see their faces and hold them!!!

I’ve gotten into a groove of sorts here, which is great. What is tough, however, is that I have no real personal space. People come and go as they please. There are constantly staff (nurses, food services, cleaning people, etc,) walking in and out and I feel like I am laying in a public place. I know everyone is just doing their job. Its great to have the care and to know that I am in the best place for me and my babies. And I love most of the people here. Its just tough to have no boundaries. At home I can lock the door and I have some control over who comes and goes. People don’t walk in and out of my bedroom at home. I was able to be as comfortable as possible, clothing wise. I didn’t have to hurry to get dressed because no one was going to walk in and see me half naked. Now, I have to be dressed enough to be decent because I don’t need people to see my ass. I can’t sleep like I am used to because I want to make sure nothing hangs out while I am sleep.
I also thought I would be getting some sleep here. No such luck. There is no 'rest' in this bedrest. Aside from the constant discomfort, it seems like every time I lay down, someone walks in. People are in and out all day/night long and although they are very nice, I can’t just relax as well. At home I could turn off the phone or whatever and that was it. But here, its different. And the timing of everything is frustrating. It seems like everytime I get to have some private time with my husband or my family (its such a short time too), its suddenly time to monitor me. Remember, these monitoring sessions are twice a day and usually each take an hour and I have to have my pants partially pulled down (in order to read Baby A – she is SO LOW). And I have to lay on my back and stay still while we find and keep each baby simultaneously, so its not like I can continue my visit too well since I am just trying to focus on breathing. If it takes a while, I end up getting nauseous and SO tired. I wish they would do it on some sort of schedule or something but because it usually takes so much of their resources (usually least 2 nurses), I am at the mercy of their scheduling and whenever they can get enough coverage. I do totally understand their situation too. Its tough for them and most of the nurses have been so nice.

OK, ok, enough bitching about that.

The allover itching is much better now. Don’t ask me why! I did have to take a Benadryl today, but it was manageable and so far its not getting worse.

I got another shot of the Terbutaline last night which was no fun, but, it was much better than the night before. Thank God!!! Still having lots of contractions and that is expected this late in the game. Lantry said no more Terb for now, unless I really want it (in case I can't handle the cotractions). I'm not in REAL pain contractions-wise and the Terb makes me feel so yucky so we'll see. Lantry said that this is just what my body is going to do (have contractions) seeing as I've got 3 babies inside of me. For now, I don't want the Terb!

Oh, and I forgot to mention before that the results from my glucose tolerance test came back and I DO NOT have gestational diabetes. This is such wonderful news! I was actually a little nervous about it, I have to admit.

The insurance situation is taken care of (for now) and I am here to stay.

The babies continue to look great and are very active. I feel like I have sharks swimming in a tank inside of me. The rolling looks cool on my belly and kicking is hard! I wish I could see what they were doing in there!

DeVore should be back in about a week to make sure they're still growing ok. Please pray!

My BP continues to be good - 101/65 at last vitals check, about an hour ago.

The skin on my belly is still BURNING and very painful. Having the TOCO/contractions monitor on 24 hours is no help either.

I ‘HEART’ Ambien. That other night was a fluke.

This is the part of the post that I try and talk about my Vagina without actually talking about it. My family may want to skip over this section now:
Did you know that edema is not limited to the usual suspects (hands, feet, ankles, etc) but in OTHER PLACES? I’ll leave it at that.
Or maybe I won’t. OK…I can’t. HOW the heck did that happen??? I had no idea you could get like that in the ‘business area’. I mean, luckily I can’t SEE it (or anything else below my belly) but I can FEEL it because it HURTS and it feels just as bad as my feet do except that it is WAY more weird than the feet. And when I DID see it…HOLY CRAP did I do a double take. Its like this. Imagine you have this house and there have been some big changes to your house and you’ve been following along with those renovations, expansions, etc. You haven’t, however been following the progress of the changes in THE YARD because frankly you can’t see the yard from most of the rooms in the house. But then one day you look out a window and see the yard and then OHMYGOSH its totally different. And I don’t mean the landscaping (that has been different for a WHILE now since your ‘landscaper’ is temporarily on vacation until the house is done). What I mean is the actual TOPOGRAPHY of the land that is your yard has changed. I’ll just stop there but you probably catch my drift. All joking aside, this is very painful.

End of section where I talk about the V.

Speaking of swelling, my nose keeps getting bigger. Like a light bulb. Like, I should really think about painting it red and putting on some antlers. It IS the holiday season and all. And I am ALL about decorating for the holidays.
In fact the swelling all over had gotten much worse and painful until they adjusted my bed. My feet have been so swollen and tingly. They look like potatoes after I shower. Very feminine and attractive. I am wishing I had removed my toenail polish before coming here. Yuck.

There's so much in my brain but I need to lay down because I'm having a lot of contractions.

Oh, wait. If you are thinking about visiting, please call me first to make sure I’m up for it. I am often in situations where I am being messed with and not decently clothed and I would really appreciate not being surprised with my ass hanging out or pants half down or bra-less. And I would hate to be throwing up and have someone other than a nurse walk in. One would think I would be over having any modesty but the constant public-ness of being here and losing all of my physical boundaries is hard. Also, since I have been feeling increasingly worse, I get rest when I can and may just be too tired. I am just not up for surprises anymore, sorry. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind you seeing me ugly...just half naked.

OK, choppy post, I know but this was a brain dump and I feel a little better. I'll try to post more often, but sitting up and typing brings on more contractions. So, we'll see.

I almost forgot this - your 30 week picture:

Thanks for the love and prayers and please keep us in your prayers as we get closer to the big day!!!

Much Love,
Cindy

29 Weeks

29 Weeks! ALMOST 30!!! As difficult as this is, time is flying by. The holiday week probably really helped to break things up. In fact, I am exhausted! Although I didn’t get to visit with everyone I wanted to see, It was wonderful to see a few people and to be at home instead of the hospital. As you know, I dodged the hospital on Thanksgiving (WOO HOO!). I was exhausted but was able to have a short outing in the evening to get some of my Mom’s cooking and visit with some relatives. I started to ‘melt’ before dinner was over, though. Its just amazing how tired I am now! Here are some pics from that night:

Leaving for my aunt's house on Thanksgiving:

Thanksgiving kisses from my boo:

My parents, me, Brian, Pam & Aaron at my aunt's house:

Friday was very nice, too. One of my best girlfriends was in town from San Diego and visited with me for lunch and then massaged my legs and feet for over an hour. HOLY CRAP, was that wonderful! She also brought me some plus size maternity clothes that she got from a friend. This is great b/c I had no t-shirts that fit – even Brian’s t-shirts don’t cover my belly. I NEVER imagined that I’d be wearing PLUS SIZE maternity clothes. But it’s the only thing that will cover my belly. Even the XL regular maternity shirts I have don’t cover this belly anymore! At least I now have some comfy t-shirts that FIT for the hospital. These little things count!
Last night, Brian made a really good dinner (he’s an amazing cook!) and my mom & dad brought me some yummy Korean food to go with it. Before leaving, my mom made sure to rub the belly for about an hour – too cute.
Today, we’ve just been watching football and doing laundry (actually Brian was doing all the laundry while I mostly laid here – what a good hubby). Although it was a pretty disappointing day for us as far as the football games go, it was nice to have a low key day for just the 2 of us before I have to go back to the hospital.

So how am I doing? I am just trying to cope with the tough things and trying to enjoy the happy things. Forget good days…its good moments. Good moments are really good and tough ones are REALLY tough. Most days are both good and difficult. I know I sound like a broken record but it really is getting much more difficult with each day. When I am feeling really overwhelmed and having a really tough time, I find myself just saying a little prayer, thanking God for my babies. I have to focus on them so I remember that its all worth it! But, sometimes I BEG Brian to just DO SOMETHING to make it easier. And then I cry. Ha ha! Completely unreasonable, I know, but that is where I am at sometimes.

The contractions are much more frequent. Luckily they’re not painful, but definitely stronger than before. I get REALLY hot during and right after each contraction, too. They’re ranging anywhere between 3 to 15 minutes apart – still no regular pattern, thank goodness.

I am still itchy all over and mostly at night. I have had to take Benadryl about 3 times now – just so I can get some relief and fall asleep.
Indigestion has become quite a problem, too. I have a newfound love for Tums. This is a big deal for me because before now, I have never liked Tums. I couldn’t stand them, actually. It was Brian that has always had a good working relationship with Tums. He never minded the chalky powdery frothy nastiness that I always hated about Tums. And Tums always did the job just fine for him. Brian always counted on Tums to be a faithful friend and has always kept Tums close by. For me, however, my new relationship with Tums (Mr. Tums if you will) came out of desperation. I was so tired of the fiery esophagus and swallowing back the food that always threatened to burn its way back up my throat. I finally relented. And to my surprise, I found that Mr. Tums was not who I thought he was. He is a gentle and soothing friend. Sure, he’s a little chalky but we’ve all got our flaws, haven’t we? I have since apologized for my behavior and we have developed a fine relationship. Now, I can’t imagine living without Mr. Tums. : )

I am also getting weird bouts of restlessness. I can’t pinpoint the cause but it drives me crazy when it happens! I assume its some thing with my muscles not being used.

I have made peace with my pregnancy nose. The wide/bulby part is just not going away, but I know it could be much worse. I just pray that it goes back to normal afterward!

I’ve also got this strange burning underneath the skin – like my muscles are burning. This is kinda new and I don’t know what to make of it except that it must have something to do with the stretching inside. UGH.

The skin on my belly is still stretching and hurting. Still feels like a bad sunburn. Still unbearable at times. But what can I do besides keep it oiled and wipe away the tears? Small price to pay for big healthy babies, which is what I really hope for.

So on to more 29 week pics for you!

Here is an ultrasound pic of Baby B's foot. This was taken when the nurse was checking their fluids on Thanksgiving:

The standard bare belly shot for 29 weeks:

And the always flattering close-up:

I'm off to finish packing last minute things for tomorrow. I'll give you an update from the hospital as soon as I get settled in.

Much Love,
Cindy

28 weeks – another LONG post

28 weeks is a BIG viability milestone and we are so grateful to be here! We are in the third trimester! This seemed so far off months ago and now here we are with no major problems. The babies are doing great!
Actually its 28weeks & 3 days. I know, I know…I’ve been a bad blogger! Let me get you caught up.

Tuesday – GI appointment day:
The appointment with the gastroenterologist was good. The liver dysfunction thing is basically that my liver is tired and acting like any liver would in a body that has gained a significant amount of weight in a short period of time. The gastroenterologist was not concerned since I am going to be losing the extra weight (having the babies) and this is just temporary. In the meantime the babies and I are not in any danger. Though the labs show very slightly elevated numbers, nothing shows to be detrimental in any way and I am good to go. This was fantastic news. Besides the allover itching, no real problems should arise from this. My mom took me straight from this appointment to get me some delicious food and frozen yogurt. YUM! Then it was back home to rest and finish packing for the hospital.

Wednesday - Lantry appointment and back to the hospital (or so I thought):
Apparently, I am doing better than expected at this point, especially in light of how sick I was a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t realize until now how worried they were that I would go into labor a couple of weeks ago (which would explain having those betamethozone steroid shots to strengthen the babies lungs so early on).Before hospital day came, I had been mentally preparing and emotionally gearing up for what Lantry said was the inevitable date for my real hospital bedrest. A few tears later I got my ‘big girl panties’ on and was ready to go. Wednesday morning I was all packed and ready to be in the hospital for the long haul. I had my books, bill paying stuff, computer, thank you cards, pillows, toiletries, some comfy loungy clothes, squishy socks, etc…all ready to go. Pam packed up the car and off we went to my appointment with Lantry.

In the backyard for one last pic before the hospital:
Of course we had to stop by the Goldstein’s bagel bakery drive-thru and get me a chocolate chip bagel for breakfast – yum! So we saw Lantry and to my surprise she was very pleased at how well I was doing. For example:

-My liver is fine.
-I am measuring 43 weeks pregnant (although I FEEL 43 months pregnant!).
-The babies look good and were all active in the ultrasound.
-My BP is still great – 110/68.
-No protein in my urine.
-I gained 7 lbs since last seeing her (gained back the 4 from being sick and 3 more for fun – ha). I was so relieved! That’s 43 lbs overall gain. I never in my life imagined I would break 200 but here I am and I am so glad! But, WOW, do I feel it in my knees, lower back and my bones! Its amazing what extra weight will do to these areas in such a short period of time.

She was so pleased. Her attitude seemed to change from the “I am just trying to get you to 28 weeks” place she was at last time (I guess my being so sick really worried her) to this new “let’s get you to 34-35 weeks” place. I guess I have done a good job ‘bedresting’ and listening to my body.
She laughed at my answers to her ‘how are you doing’ type questions. Miserable but happy – both at the same time - is the best way I can put it. And more miserable is what I can expect. But the most important thing is that as miserable as this is getting for me, there is nothing wrong and nothing that puts me or the babies in danger. This was great news! She said that even though we thought this was the day to admit me, she just didn’t see a good enough reason to admit me now – I am doing too well! She said she wants to keep me at home until the Monday after Thanksgiving, which would put me at about 3 weeks since I’ve been seen by DeVore and that’s when he wanted to see me anyway. I was taken aback because I had just gotten myself so geared up to be admitted. Not that I wanted to be in the hospital, but I wanted to be sure it was best for the babies for me to be going back home instead of being admitted. She sensed my hesitation and said she would admit me if that’s what I wanted but then my sister gave me the “are you crazy??” look and I knew I had to listen. Later on I told my sister that I just wanted to be sure I was doing what was best for the babies and not just what would be most comfortable for me and she helped me remember that Lantry has this in mind and would not do anything to jeopardize the babies’ health. DER, like I didn’t know that but I guess I needed to hear it and have my sister knock me in the head a bit.
Lantry then sent me across the hall for a non-stress test for the babies and said she wanted me to get them twice weekly from here on out. The NST was just fine and the babies looked great and were very active. Let me tell you, if you ever have to sit in a hospital in and uncomfortable position for an hour, my sister is the BEST person to have with you. I thought the nurse was going to get annoyed with me because the monitors kept moving since Pam had me laughing so hard. Tears were coming down my face and I could not control myself. She is insane! What a wonderful release of stress – Laughter really is the best medicine!

These shots are from Pam standing on a chair and making me laugh while trying to take overhead pics. Although the grimacing LOOKS like pain, its actually uncontrollable laughter:

Here's the belly with all 4 monitors - one for contractions and 3 for the babies! The stretchmarks are HOT.

Then we were off …I got to leave! Wonderful surprise! I was starving so my sister and I went to Gelson’s to pick up lunch and I tell you I think my salad was 10 lbs, no joke. I ate the WHOLE thing (along with asparagus soup, ice cream, and other food from home) and then passed out IN MY OWN BED and stuffed like a pig. It was wonderful!!!

Thursday - Although I was so glad to be home, the next day was a tearful blur. I am just so hormonal and uncomfortable and tired of feeling pregnant. I was miserable and tired and in pain. Of course I was crying to Brian in the phone and he was so sweet, even though he was sitting in traffic and spent almost 7 HOURS round trip commuting that day since he had to be in San Diego for work. L.A. to San Diego and back – not the drive you want to make during rush hour on a Thursday. And just to come home to a blubbering mess. Yikes! Anyway, as far as my boo-hooing and physical discomfort, this was one of those “some days are better than others” moments I was told about. Luckily, my mom brought me some dinner and watched me eat while I cried. I was so pathetic!

Friday - Luckily I felt much better by Friday morning and actually said ‘yes’ to friends stopping by and visiting which was wonderful. It was a long day (no nap!) but it felt really good to see people again.

Saturday - Saturday morning I had my glucose tolerance test (results next week) which was yucky but no big deal. I don’t know what was worse, fasting without even water for over 8 hours OR drinking that sugar solution on an empty stomach. Blechrgblarguhhggh. Afterward, we visited with our parents, and it was back home in bed for me. Brian, of course worked his butt off the rest of the day with the grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning, etc. while I lay on my side in bed, cooking the babies. What a good hubby. We had an incredible dinner later in the evening (more Korean BBQ - thanks mom!!!) so he didn’t have to worry about making dinner too.

Sunday – I spent the day watching football on the couch while Brian took a well deserved break for a few hours. Thankfully he was able to get to the lake and do some fishing and have some much needed time to relax. It was a pretty good day for me until the evening. I suddenly started feeling a little funny in my stomach. Before I knew it, I was puking my brains out. After the vomit fest, I felt better and went right to bed. I must have eaten something that didn’t sit too well.

So how am I doing now? I am feeling crappy but I am hanging in there. Every day really is so different.
I am having more contractions but they’re still OK and not coming in any measurable pattern.
I’m itchy all over. Not too bad, but I actually took a benadryl Saturday night b/c I was too itchy to sleep.
I am tired. So very tired. And not sleeping well since I am just too uncomfortable.
My belly is starting to hurt again as the skin is having another stretch spurt. The babies have finally changed from growing up and down (there is no room!) and are now going OUT again. Although this is a relief to my lungs and ribs, let me tell you I can’t stand how painful it is on my skin. I keep it oiled up as best as I can. I am praying that it is less painful than the last outward stretch spurt where part of my skin actually BLED. I can’t get that stain out of my white tank top. :(
But, its all for good reason and I will deal with myself. As long as my babies continue to grow GROW GROW and everyone is healthy, I will find a way to manage. That is one of my prayers everyday – not for things to be easy but for me to be able to cope. I know that I have been equipped or am being equipped with everything I need to deal with all of the hard stuff and that I just need to have faith, stay positive, cry when I need to, not feel too bad about having tough days and being so emotional, let things people say roll right off of me, not feel bad about needing so much help, and try and enjoy the good stuff.

We are enjoying watching the babies roll and push around. Its crazy how lopsided my belly gets when they get going! Baby B (who has somewhat changed places with baby C but we’re just going to keep referring to them by the original letters) sticks what looks like his butt out and it makes a ball on my belly. So funny!

Although this pregnancy is getting harder, each day that the babies are growing inside of me and continue to be healthy is a gift. I can’t wait to see them!

Now, on to 28 week pictures!

Let's start with the worst one. I hate these belly close-ups:

Trying to smile - its too heavy!

OK, he finally got me laughing. Here's a real smile:
I have been told by both friends and family who have seen me that these pictures do not do justice to how big I actually look in person. I wish I could capture the true girth of the belly on camera!

Like always, we really appreciate all your support and love! It really helps, especially on meltdown days. :)

Have a great week everyone!

Much Love,

Cindy