Sunday, October 7, 2007

22 Weeks

This weekend was pretty tough. There are great days and there are tough days. I hit 22 weeks Friday (YAY!) and I spent most of the day crying big half-gallon tears. I could not stop crying all day. It was as if my face was just leaking. Hormones? For sure. But also just a total stress release. I think the harsh reality of things & the timing of everything in the past few months has just worn on me. Brian being out of work for a couple of months a few months ago, my not working (I really wish I could get a job right now), and the cost of healthcare (we are still paying $700/mo. for COBRA since we have no other coverage) - the impact of all of this, plus a couple of things I just can't talk about here, has hit us very hard. I hate this. I hate it so much. I have tried my best to have faith and a good positive attitude but it is wearing down. I think we were both feeling this stress this weekend. And then, when we got ourselves together a bit, its like BAM...something hits. While we were driving home from Brian's Mom's tonight, the truck - the ONLY car we have right now b/c the other one is BACK in the body shop - took a dive. Yes, our truck pooped out on a main street tonight. The transmission took a dive. I almost laughed because it just seemed SO ABSURD that this would happen NOW. NOW, when we cannot afford to fix it. I almost laughed, but instead, I cried. I cried more big heavy tears because I just can't believe it! I am ticked, plain and simple. Now, I am just so ticked off. And our truck with 3 infant carseats in it is parked on some sidestreet in front of someone's house. Brian is going to have it towed tomorrow morning.
Yes, there are 3 infant carseats in the truck because we wanted to install them and make sure they fit - which they did. :) Brian put them in last night and we decided just leave them since it was such an effort to get them in. Its cute:

We were just talking about trading it in soon for a more family friendly car (mini-van?) but now I don't know about that since we have to fix it. Anyway, my little sister Pamela and her boyfriend met us and took us out for a late bite and drove us home. Thank God I have these babies to focus on. These wonderful babies are our joy right now. There are so many things to be happy about, I know. But I now know what it feels like to be overjoyed and terrified at the same time. Thankfully, they remind me often that they are here. They kick me so hard, as if they are trying to get my attention and say "MOMMY, we love you!"
Pregnancy- wise, I am gratefully healthy and good. Just tired and incredibly uncomfortable - but I know I can deal with that. These stretchmarks, however, have INVADED my belly and my skin actually HURTS. OUCH!
Here are 22 week pictures:

Brian & Me in the yard

Beautiful stretch marks!

Thanks for your continued prayers.
Much love,