Monday, December 3, 2007

30 Weeks

Hi everyone. Its actually 30 weeks and 3 days. We’ve got one week down and hopefully a few more to go. It really is the home stretch now!
I am doing a bit better than I was this weekend. I have had a rough couple of days. The Friday evening nosedive and the huge increase in contractions has been a lot to handle. Friday night and all day Saturday were the worst for me. I could not stop crying. I haven’t cried so much in a long time. SO much about this time is hard and there is stuff going on for us outside of the pregnancy that is tough and I can’t talk about it here. I feel like we’re being challenged in so many ways and I know my most important job is to keep it together so I can continue to be OK for growing the babies. But the reality is there ARE other things and there is some real sadness and pain. At some moments, it feels like these babies are our only joy at the moment. Of course this is not true – but I am SO glad we have these babies to focus on. Its so amazing that one of the biggest challenges in our lives is actually helping us to cope with even tougher things. These babies are a bright spot for us right now! I am so excited to meet these babies and I can’t imagine the joy I will feel when I get to see their faces and hold them!!!

I’ve gotten into a groove of sorts here, which is great. What is tough, however, is that I have no real personal space. People come and go as they please. There are constantly staff (nurses, food services, cleaning people, etc,) walking in and out and I feel like I am laying in a public place. I know everyone is just doing their job. Its great to have the care and to know that I am in the best place for me and my babies. And I love most of the people here. Its just tough to have no boundaries. At home I can lock the door and I have some control over who comes and goes. People don’t walk in and out of my bedroom at home. I was able to be as comfortable as possible, clothing wise. I didn’t have to hurry to get dressed because no one was going to walk in and see me half naked. Now, I have to be dressed enough to be decent because I don’t need people to see my ass. I can’t sleep like I am used to because I want to make sure nothing hangs out while I am sleep.
I also thought I would be getting some sleep here. No such luck. There is no 'rest' in this bedrest. Aside from the constant discomfort, it seems like every time I lay down, someone walks in. People are in and out all day/night long and although they are very nice, I can’t just relax as well. At home I could turn off the phone or whatever and that was it. But here, its different. And the timing of everything is frustrating. It seems like everytime I get to have some private time with my husband or my family (its such a short time too), its suddenly time to monitor me. Remember, these monitoring sessions are twice a day and usually each take an hour and I have to have my pants partially pulled down (in order to read Baby A – she is SO LOW). And I have to lay on my back and stay still while we find and keep each baby simultaneously, so its not like I can continue my visit too well since I am just trying to focus on breathing. If it takes a while, I end up getting nauseous and SO tired. I wish they would do it on some sort of schedule or something but because it usually takes so much of their resources (usually least 2 nurses), I am at the mercy of their scheduling and whenever they can get enough coverage. I do totally understand their situation too. Its tough for them and most of the nurses have been so nice.

OK, ok, enough bitching about that.

The allover itching is much better now. Don’t ask me why! I did have to take a Benadryl today, but it was manageable and so far its not getting worse.

I got another shot of the Terbutaline last night which was no fun, but, it was much better than the night before. Thank God!!! Still having lots of contractions and that is expected this late in the game. Lantry said no more Terb for now, unless I really want it (in case I can't handle the cotractions). I'm not in REAL pain contractions-wise and the Terb makes me feel so yucky so we'll see. Lantry said that this is just what my body is going to do (have contractions) seeing as I've got 3 babies inside of me. For now, I don't want the Terb!

Oh, and I forgot to mention before that the results from my glucose tolerance test came back and I DO NOT have gestational diabetes. This is such wonderful news! I was actually a little nervous about it, I have to admit.

The insurance situation is taken care of (for now) and I am here to stay.

The babies continue to look great and are very active. I feel like I have sharks swimming in a tank inside of me. The rolling looks cool on my belly and kicking is hard! I wish I could see what they were doing in there!

DeVore should be back in about a week to make sure they're still growing ok. Please pray!

My BP continues to be good - 101/65 at last vitals check, about an hour ago.

The skin on my belly is still BURNING and very painful. Having the TOCO/contractions monitor on 24 hours is no help either.

I ‘HEART’ Ambien. That other night was a fluke.

This is the part of the post that I try and talk about my Vagina without actually talking about it. My family may want to skip over this section now:
Did you know that edema is not limited to the usual suspects (hands, feet, ankles, etc) but in OTHER PLACES? I’ll leave it at that.
Or maybe I won’t. OK…I can’t. HOW the heck did that happen??? I had no idea you could get like that in the ‘business area’. I mean, luckily I can’t SEE it (or anything else below my belly) but I can FEEL it because it HURTS and it feels just as bad as my feet do except that it is WAY more weird than the feet. And when I DID see it…HOLY CRAP did I do a double take. Its like this. Imagine you have this house and there have been some big changes to your house and you’ve been following along with those renovations, expansions, etc. You haven’t, however been following the progress of the changes in THE YARD because frankly you can’t see the yard from most of the rooms in the house. But then one day you look out a window and see the yard and then OHMYGOSH its totally different. And I don’t mean the landscaping (that has been different for a WHILE now since your ‘landscaper’ is temporarily on vacation until the house is done). What I mean is the actual TOPOGRAPHY of the land that is your yard has changed. I’ll just stop there but you probably catch my drift. All joking aside, this is very painful.

End of section where I talk about the V.

Speaking of swelling, my nose keeps getting bigger. Like a light bulb. Like, I should really think about painting it red and putting on some antlers. It IS the holiday season and all. And I am ALL about decorating for the holidays.
In fact the swelling all over had gotten much worse and painful until they adjusted my bed. My feet have been so swollen and tingly. They look like potatoes after I shower. Very feminine and attractive. I am wishing I had removed my toenail polish before coming here. Yuck.

There's so much in my brain but I need to lay down because I'm having a lot of contractions.

Oh, wait. If you are thinking about visiting, please call me first to make sure I’m up for it. I am often in situations where I am being messed with and not decently clothed and I would really appreciate not being surprised with my ass hanging out or pants half down or bra-less. And I would hate to be throwing up and have someone other than a nurse walk in. One would think I would be over having any modesty but the constant public-ness of being here and losing all of my physical boundaries is hard. Also, since I have been feeling increasingly worse, I get rest when I can and may just be too tired. I am just not up for surprises anymore, sorry. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind you seeing me ugly...just half naked.

OK, choppy post, I know but this was a brain dump and I feel a little better. I'll try to post more often, but sitting up and typing brings on more contractions. So, we'll see.

I almost forgot this - your 30 week picture:

Thanks for the love and prayers and please keep us in your prayers as we get closer to the big day!!!

Much Love,