31 Weeks

I cannot believe I am doing this. If this were anything else, I would have quit by now.
I have been here since Nov 26 - only 10 days - but it feels so much longer!
When some of you mentioned how AWFUL the end would be, HOLY CRAP - were you ever right. And still, I had no idea. Don't get me wrong - I felt pregnant before now...Uncomfortable, unable to sleep, indigestion, pooping issues, etc. But once I turned that corner where I feel like I am carrying a 45 year old adult...NOW I just feel like I AM DYING.

Today, I spent most of the day laying on my side because of the pain and discomfort. Lantry came in and checked my cervix (OUCH!) and I am 1 cm dilated, 80% effaced and at -2 station. Basically, I am just barely starting to open up and if I were carrying a singleton I might be out christmas shopping and fine for weeks. But since I am ME and I have these 3 pushing down, I will be progressing a little more quickly than that. She said whatever I do, DON'T go into labor this weekend. She'll be back Monday and then DeVore comes Tuesday and we'll get to see exactly how big the babies are. For now, the babies look fine and we're still hoping to make it to at least 32 which is next Friday. I can't think further out than that. I want them to cook MUCH LONGER but I can only think in small chunks of time. Like, I WANT to talk about going to 35 weeks, but just thinking about being pregnant for that much longer makes me want to cry and stick a fork in my eye. I am just trying to get through each hour.

I am emotionally great today and trying to keep it that way. Physically, not even close. Today has been physically frustrating. I had no visitors today - even turned my parents away because I am trying to limit my stimulation so that I stay totally calm and keep these contractions at bay. I don't want to take medication until I absolutely have to. So far, I've been doing well as long as I lay down. As soon as I sit up for too long, they come strong and were as close as 2 minutes apart at one point today. Now that there is pain with them, I am especially aware of each one and I am so not interested in having them continue. And of course, I don't want to actually go into labor either. So, I will take the drugs if I have to but I am trying to manage them by resting for now.

One of the neonatologists came to visit me today. I feel so much better after talking with her. She really went into detail about a lot of things and will come back on Sunday to talk to me some more. Hopefully, she comes when Brian is here. She is so incredibly sweet and I look forward to meeting the other 2 neonatologists on the team. I've heard they're all great.

Brian brough me my clean laundry, squishy toilet paper and some french fries (YUM!) and stayed with me until just a little bit ago. Poor guy is so tired, he's got so many irons in the fire. He's so tired but he still rubbed my swolen legs and stayed until almost midnight. We had a really long monitoring session tonight that cut into our time so he ended up staying later. He hung out close to my bathroom while I showered b/c its getting harder for me and I wanted him nearby just in case I needed him to come in and help me. I would much rather have him come in than a nurse. Thank goodness for a private bathroom too! Anyway, I really miss hanging out with him at home on the couch. Tonight's staff was really cool because they tried not to come in here too much which meant we could actually just sit and hang out alone. Something we won't be getting much of anymore. Maybe a little when I come home from the hospital and before the babies come home.

I'm itchy all over and my belly still stings like hell. I am going crazy with the itching and I am exhausted so I need to wrap this up. Thanks for continuing to follow along and root for us. Keep praying that I can cook these babies longer!

Much Love,
Cindy