30w5d - Better today, just tired.

First of all...thanks for all the supportive e-mails and comments, etc. I know I have sounded very discouraged. I cycle through this about every day now. I have such extremes with how I feel, both emotionally and physically. I am trying to get back to a more positive place because my emotional well being really affects my contractions. I generally feel best in the morning. By evening, I have faded and my body is done. I have been getting some more sleep in the last couple of days which is good. I took a 2 hour nap before lunch today! I am just SO TIRED and I need much more sleep as the days wear on. They are taking all of my juice to grow! :)
I am doing much better, emotionally now. Much more tired, but emotionally better. This is very good.

Today was also a better day, I think, because my sister was here. She brought me food and a bag full of goodies, including a little christmas tree/rosemary plant, Vitamin E oil for my belly, pear hand soap...and lots more stuff to make me comfy. She has a very comforting effect on me. And she doesn't make me feel so crazy for BEING SO CRAZY. No judgement, no making fun of me, no annoyance, no negativity and lots of patience. And she is also INSANELY funny so I spent half the day laughing! She hung out while I took a shower and then took this picture:My belly has already grown so much since coming to the hospital! I am very swolen too, but that is to be expected this close to the end. It is very uncomfortable - especially in my hands and feet. Anyway, to give you an idea of how fast I am growing, look at the 30 week picture from this past weekend - taken only a few days ago:Can you tell my belly has grown? Or is it just me?! I FEEL this growth. I feel it everywhere and it is getting increasingly more difficult to carry this weight in front of me!

Last night before my PM monitoring session I got weighed and I have gained 5 lbs in less than a week! This is great - I hope the babies fatten up! My BP still good. All my levels are still good. Just getting more and more uncomfortable as my body stretches and makes room for these babies! My belly hurts a lot. Not just the skin, but the muscle or whatever is under there. I really feel the stretching. And as you see in my face, the swelling is increasing. The numbness and pain in my extremeties has really increased and I am having a more difficult time showering and stuff like that. I can't imagine how much longer I'll be able to do that by myself. Brian may have to start BATHING me soon - yikes!

Pressure is increasing DOWN there. I have to lay down much more as just sitting too long not only causes me to swell allover, but now HURTS my cervix. Sometimes I feel like they might just fall out!

We are getting so close! DeVore comes next week (I think Tuesday?) for another growth ultrasound. I pray that they grow lots before then. Even though the reality of that scares me to death. Because when they grow...I hurt. A LOT. I have to keep telling myself that this is temporary. Its so hard.

Lantry said whatever I do, DON'T go into labor or break my water this weekend because there is snow in Mammoth and she is taking her kids skiing on Saturday/Sunday. I will do whatever I can to make sure these kids stay inside. Wouldn't that be funny if after all this time, Lantry was not the one that ended up actually delivering me? OK, that would definitely NOT be funny. But you know what I mean! This is the last trip she is taking until January so I know she will be here for when its my time to go. I can't even believe its so close!

I think my bellybutton is finally going to pop out. I think I had a belly button that went all the way to the other side of the world because after 55lbs and carrying 3 babies to almost 31 weeks, I STILL have an INNIE. I can see the end of it, but it is still technically an innie. This thing would never have popped unless I had 3 babies, that's for sure! It defnitely hurts like a bruise. But it goes with the territory, I guess.

I didn't cry when Brian left tonight. :) Big accomplishment for me, believe me!

Thanks for hanging with me through all of this. I am using all of my energy to focus on the light at the end. I better lay down for now because I am getting swolen.

Don't forget to go see Pam who just had her triplet boys! Congratulations to Pam and her hubby on 3 big beaautiful boys! She really did such a good job cooking them!

Much Love,

Cindy