Friday, October 22, 2010

25 & 1/2 Weeks And A Bit Of Real Life

25 & 1/2 Weeks And A Bit Of Real Life
I am warning you now - ths post is long and all over the place.   MUCH like the posts from last pregnancy.  It's been a while since I've had a 'spill my guts' post, so I guess it's time.  This one's more for me than for you (all two of you who still read this blog).  I PROMISED myself I would do my best to document this pregnancy on the blog.  So far it's been pretty LAME!  This time around I am just SO BUSY.  I haven't even taken any pics aside from the last one we posted at 22 weeks!  So like I said, this is more for me (using this blog as my journal) than for you.  Here is a recent shot - taken last night.

This baby won't have as much documented and I feel bad about that.  SOOOOO a crappy photo is better than NO photo!
Yes I realize that I have one more child than is shown in the photo.  Jackson would NOT be in the picture and was throwing a fit to the side.  I wasn't willing to fight this time around, so you just get Alexis and Zachary! :)

There are SO many photos I want to post.  Like - DUH - the 20 weeks ultrasound images!  And from Jackson's recent haircut and our trip to Descanso Gardens to see the pumpkins.  But they are on my phone and I am having problems getting the pictures off my phone.  I am dealing with tech support and will hopefully get it resolved. 
And why are they on my phone?  Because our point and shoot camera has been dead for a while and I think (HOPE) all it needs is a battery.  Another thing on the list to buy.  We need to get on it because with that back in business it will be much easier to take and upload photos.  And I REALLY want to make sure to document as much of this pregnancy as I realistically can -what's left of it, at least!
Otherwise, this pregnancy has been fantastic so far.  At least from my perspective, being that the last one was EXTREMELY difficult.  I have been feeling better than I did a few months ago (when I didn't know I was pregnant!) and I am SO grateful for this.  I LOVE THIS PREGNANCY!  I can, however, feel myself turning that third trimester corner.  I am getting more tired and having some uncomfortable symptoms as I grow, which is to be expected.  The only really bad pregnancy symptom I've had is the digestive problems.  That's the nice way to put it, btw.  Basically it feels like my guts are filled with granite.  VERY uncomfortable.

I am in much less pain this time around.  I would even say that I don't really have much pain except for nights that I work.  Being on my feet for most of 8 hours is really rough on my lower back and growing hips and my feet get so swolen!

One of the things I enjoy most about this pregnancy is feeling this baby move.  She is INCREDIBLY active. Not only is she a super kicker (like Zachary was) but a roller and wiggler (like Jackson and Alexis were).  I don't know when she sleeps!  And she kicks the strongest in the middle of the night.  Without fail, she starts turbo kicking me somewhere between 2am and 3am.  This is NOT good for my sleep schedule but I smile every time.  I LOVE feeling this so much!  :)

I am carrying higher than I imagined I would this time around.  I figured since all my muscles were so stretched and wrecked from the triplet prengancy, that if I ever had another pregnancy it would be LOW.  Not really the case, thank goodness.  The only thing about carrying higher is that the heartburn is HORRIBLE.  I would even say WORSE this time around.  And, if you really want to know, my "fanny pack" isn't filling in.  Which is NOT pretty!  And THAT is why you are not getting any bare belly shots this time around - not just because Brian put the kibosh on it!  You got enough last time anyway ;)

My appetite this time around has been ridiculous.  I want the same things ALL THE TIME.  Unfortunately it's all CRAP.  I want cheese pizza (which I never really cared about before), Pancakes, Thrifty Rocky Road ice cream, and Whopper Juniors with no cheese -  I KID YOU NOT.  It's awful.  And NOTHING can be spicy enough.  It's like I can't even taste spice - I want everything hot!  Not ALL of it has been crap.  I do like Trader Joe's BBQ chicken salads.  I want one every day pretty much. 
I remember last time, all I wanted were peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pancakes, gazspacho, pho, and cold cuts (which I wasn't allowed to have).  There was not much else that sounded good because I was so sick!  Last night I went to the mall to buy a pair of pregnancy pants and I was SO EXCITED about getting a slice of cheese pizza in the food court.  SO not me!  I think I could eat pizza every day this time around!

I am gaining weight pretty much the same way as last time - only up top.  I basically look like a potato with toothpick legs.  You may think, at first, that it's a good thing.  But I didn't say I am all belly - I am gaining it ALL up top.  Like a true "Apple" I gain it in the abdomen, back, chest and face.  Blagh!

Life outside this wonderful pregnancy has unfortunately been stressful.  Brian's most recent job interview didn't work out and he is still searching diligently for a new position.  ANYWHERE.  Especially now that his company announced that they're not doing well and that they are cutting everyone's salaries in an effort to avoid layoffs.  The layoffs seem inevitable, however, based on the numbers of how the company is actually doing.  eek.  Praying.

My goodness, didn't we just do this last year?  Or should I say, haven't we BEEN doing this since last year?  When I look back to those old post, I really seen HOW ROUGH this past year and a half has been. 

BREATHE. 

And then I get pregnant.

BREATHE.

I know in my heart that God knows what he's doing.  But let me tell you it's HARD to keep mindful of this sometimes.  I am tired.  I am tired of struggling like this.  This is NOT where we saw ourselves.  We have made lemonade out of lemons but it's HARD on us.  Hard on our marriage.  And I hate to admit it, it DOES affect our kids.

BREATHE.

Back to it - This whole salary cut/potential layoff was definitely bad news, especially since I am working fewer hours now that I am the size of Rhode Island. 
And, let me tell you, I would be willing to MOVE to Rhode Island if there were a job opportunity for Brian that would provide for our family.
We have opened our search back up to ANYWHERE, since this economy is so rough and California's unemployment/cost of living is not improving. His last interview was actually for a position in Dallas.  Although it didn't pan out, we continue to pray that something will open up somewhere. 
In the meantime it's tough with both of us still working opposite hours - Brian doing the Monday through Friday 8-5 thing and me doing the nights and weekends thing.  I REALLY miss having weekends and doing fun stuff (birthday parties, etc).  And, NO, we didn't suddenly grow a nanny/gardener/house cleaner tree - we are still doing it all ourselves.  So you can imagine the state of our house nowadays.  Now that I am pregnant and more phyisically tired I have to let go of even more, which is not easy.  Some things just don't get done, which unfortunately adds stress.  Its truly a balancing act. 
As far as help is concerned, we don't have the help we used to, like that first year with the triplets - HOLY CRAP WAS THAT CRAZY!  Oops, sorry - just thinking back to that time makes my head spin.  ;)
Nowadays, we are stretched THIN. I pay a friend to come once a week to watch the kids for a couple of hours on Fridays so i can leave for work before Brian get's home from work.  They LOVE her, which is really nice. :)  My parents come once a week on Sunday nights (while I am at work) to play with the kids and to help Brian with dinner and baths. He uses this time to get a lot of his work done (yardwork, kitchen, etc). 
A few months ago, in a moment of frazzled fury we were coming apart at the seams (this was even before finding out I was pregnant) I ended up calling our friend Jen - in tears - and we ended up asking her to come over one night a week to help us so Brian and I can relieve some stress and avoid killing each other (AND, of course, so we can get stuff done). It had gotten to THAT point.  Since then, Jen has been so generous with her time, giving us one night a week - every single week.  She has TWO jobs herself but loves us and the kids so much that she has happily agreed to extend us this help.  And she really wants us to stay married to each other ;).  Although it's literally only about 2.5 hours a week - her help is SO MUCH.  We are so very grateful.

SO much is up in the air - so many questions.
Can we find a less expensive place to live and move before this baby comes?  Will I still have to work nights with a newborn and pump in the store-room and leave Brian home alone at night with FOUR under four?  Can Brian's comany at least keep it together until we find another job for him - maybe a job that actually pays more than unemployment did and one that actually provides benefits?  Can we add ANY more to our plate?
I can't control everything.
At this point, I am one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time!  I can't think past tomorrow.  It just stresses me out too much.  I have to believe that God's timing is perfect and that as long as we continue to do our VERY BEST, the right solutions will present themselves.  I have hard days, I can't lie.  I never saw us in this place but I know that everything that is truly important is still in tact.  I am SO grateful for this fact.
This baby will be here in a matter of a couple of months and although I would LOVE if all of this stress were resolved before the baby arrives, I am fully aware that it just may not be.  And we have to find a way to make it work no matter what.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6