Friday, December 26, 2008

Putting On My Big Girl Panties

Putting On My Big Girl Panties

I want to tell you that we had a glorious Christmas with lots of fun and festivity. I really want to tell you that. Problem is, I CAN'T. Because what we really had was days of miserable sickness, cancellations and lots of frustration and exhasution. My house is in sad shape and I am D.O.N.E. with this horrible cold. DONE!

It all started Sunday. I was feeling particularly tired but I just figured it was because I hadn't slept well. We were enjoying the beginning of Brian's vacation and looking forward to a week of fun with the babies. We had a quick surprise visit with some friends dropping off some goodies (Thanks guys!) and we went on a walk. Nothing crazy. That night, before putting the babies down I started feeling funny. Not so good. It came fast and before you know it I felt like I was hit by a freight train. Big nasty cold. I've got a killer head/chest cold with a cough that wont stop. I mean, I seriously cannot stop coughing. It keeps me awake. It keeps Brian awake. It makes me crazy.

We've had to cancel our plans to take the babies to see Santa Claus, a much needed day out with my sister and we've even had to cancel an entire dinner with family.

I am cranky and exhausted. Brian is cranky and exhausted. We're both DONE with this horrible cold and we have awful cabin fever. But I am still really sick. I can't seem to shake it. Mom's & Dad's don't get sick days.


Are you done hearing me bitch and whine? Me too.

I'm just disappointed. I had so many high hopes for this Christmas. We wanted to do so many fun and wonderful things with the babies for Christmas. We were REALLY excited for Brian to have some days off so that we could all spend some time together, give each other a little chance to get away and have some fun, get some stuff done around here...just happy-fun-non-sick stuff. This wasn't the babies first Christmas, but it was their first Christmas AT HOME. Last year was a horrible Christmas with them still in NICU and with Alexis being so sick.

But, you see, I gotta put on my big girl panties and grow up. Things didn't turn out like I wanted them to and that's ok. Because really? Things are wonderful. I am still sick and Brian is ready to fly the coop, but things are really wonderful and I have lots to be grateful for.

Last Christmas I was depressed and scared and worried. My babies were in the hospital and Alexis had taken a horrible turn. She had become septic with a staph infection and things looked grim. We were afraid we would lose her. She had been intubated and her skin was gray and lifeless.

ALL I WANTED last year was HEALTHY BABIES. I prayed with my entire being that the Lord would heal my little girl and that I could just take them all home. I didn't care about Santa Claus, how messy my house was, scheduling lots of fun events, Christmas shopping...none of it. I was thinking about things like my baby getting a spinal tap, blood test results, O2 saturation. I couldn't have cared less about all the festivities going on around me.

This Christmas, although I am sick as a dog and feeling miserable, I have all that I have wished and prayed for. We have HEALTHY BABIES at home with us. They're happy and giggly and they couldn't care less that we didn't go see Santa Claus. They couldn't care less that we cancelled some of the festivities. They coudn't care less that money is tight and that we didn't go nuts with presents and that we don't even have a tree. They are just happy to be with Brian and me.

So, yes, things didn't turn out as planned (do they ever?), things are still wonderful. I am looking forward to feeling 100% again and will hopefully be all better by New Years.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas! :)