Friday, December 5, 2008

looking back - 30-ish weeks

Looking back - 30-ish weeks

Around this time last year, I hit the 30-week mark and although I was miserable, I was encouraged to have reached such a big mark. 30 weeks seemed so far off earlier in the pregnancy. Suddenly, it was here. WE had made it to 30 weeks. It was actually incredible to me. I was grateful to have made it so far. Miserable, but grateful.

30 weeks and bringing sexy back.
Unfortunately, 30 weeks felt WAY crappier than I had expected. But I had my girls right there with me. Joy (who is now pregnant AGAIN!!!) had just had her babies and Pam was just popping her boys out. It was good for me to have friends in the computer going through the same things as I was. I felt less alone. On top of that, I had tons of people, including fellow triplet mammas rooting for me and e-mailing the kindest and most supportive things.

All of your comments and phone calls and e-mails really helped me cope a little better. Nothing, however, helped me deal with how BULBOUS my nose was getting. I looked like Rudolph.

And the VAGINA PAIN. Oh wait…I just heard my mom bite her lip with disapproval because I typed VAGINA. Haven’t done that since pregnancy. I don’t think.
Moving along…at the beginning of this day, I was very uncomfortable but I was doing OK. Or so I thought. As the day progressed, I went down the crapper and later that evening I had another meltdown. I was slipping fast. I hurt all over. I wanted to take something so I could just sleep through the rest of the pregnancy. I had though I had a high threshold of pain until then. I even passed a kidney stone at a church retreat in Lake Arrowhead earlier in the year (pre-pregnancy) and didn’t even know it. I just thought I needed to drink more water! But no…THIS was the most pain/discomfort I had even experienced. This was the hardest thing I had ever done. Broken nose, horrible periods, sprained ankle, miscarriage, HSG, bikini waxes, passing several kidney stones…none of these things compared to how I was feeling at this moment. I was bleeding, itching, diarrhea-ing, refluxing, aching, contracting, burning.

And then I was done. DONE DONE DONE. I was melting. I felt like I was dying. My blood felt like it was curdling. My skin was crawling and it hurt to touch. My tongue burned. But wait, I had many more days to go!

If there were a way to have others be in my shoes for a few minutes I would have totally let them. In fact, it would be an effective form of birth control. Instead of those cheesy three screen assemblies in high school where they jump up and down enthusiastically, wearing headset microphones, as they talk about STDs and teen pregnancy, there should instead be a way for each high school student to experience the end of THAT pregnancy. I GUARANTEE, the teen pregnancy rate would drop dramatically. If only.

Anyway, back to it. I wish I had some more fond memories to relay but I had already lost my mind at that point and I was done with everything around me. I was frustrated that the only channels that would come in were USA network, TNT and CNN. I watched a LOT of Law & Order.

I had the CUTEST ‘bedrest’ clothes that friends had given to me. NONE of which I actually wore because they were all warm and fuzzy and I was all hot and sweaty. Even in the middle of the night I couldn’t sleep with any blankets. Not even a sheet.

My sister really jumped in at that point with her humor and excellent way of anticipating my needs. She brought lots of goodies to make my room more homey and yummy stuff from Trader Joe’s (where she works). Those Candy Cane Joe Joe’s needed to SHUT UP, they were so good to me. And not a lot was good to me then, so this was something to really celebrate. I ate enough of those to make my belly pop. I still had a innie at this point last year. Which, come to think of it, my belly button never actually popped.

Lantry was leaving on a weekend ski trip to Mammoth with her family. I was told, whatever I do, DO NOT GO INTO LABOR. I told her that I would keep them in, no matter what. Although I had moments where I wished I could just fast forward and get it over with already.

Ugh, I realize that this is just one big miserable random post. This isn’t even going to be fun to read for you. Sorry bout that. Just keeping it real. I wish I had a better attitude at that point but I just didn’t. I was losing my crap.
Stay tuned.