A post about posting

A post about posting

I've been trying to post more often. No, really. Its not that I don't have lots to say. I've got a plethora of posts written in my head. But, then I just get too tired to say any of it. I end up piddling around on Facebook and WHAT A WASTE OF TIME THAT IS. I would be afraid of Brian getting annoyed, except for the fact that HE is an even BIGGER Facebook junkie than I am, so what can he really say?

Thing is, I feel better when I blog more often. Posting seems to have a really therapeutic affect. This was especially true in the early days when I somehow found a way to post while attached to baby number four (my breastpump) every three hours. It was my only way of feeling like I was more than a deliriously tired and emotionally unstable feeding machine. When I do actually write a post, I feel weight lifted off of my chest and my head is a little clearer. Something about talking to babies all day doesn't provide that same release that I once got when I worked outside of the house with other adults. The babies and I don't exactly have what I would call reciprocal conversations. Not that I don't enjoy it. I LOVE IT. I am exhausted, but happy.

And leaving the house, while nice, can be more stressful than staying home because I am a freakshow. Explaining how I got pregnant and that YES, they are triplets and NO, they are not natural (They're actually made of BPA-free plastic), and YES, they're all mine and YES, we "Did" fertility and YES, that is so cool how your friend/aunt/niece/co-worker has twins and YES, I do watch Jon and Kate Plus Eight and YES, I have my hands full and YES, I am alone with them every day and NO, we don't get help from the government and NO, twins/triplets don't run in our family and YES, better me than you and YES, they do sleep at night and YES, they have different personalities and NO, they are not identical (that one always gets me) and NO, it doesn't "suck" thankyouverymuch and YES, they are all mine and YES, I am very blessed and happy, thanks for asking... *Sigh*
That is not the kind of adult conversation I crave.
I don't really want to talk to any stranger. I am not THAT desperate. Yet.

I just miss chit chat and going to lunch with my girlfriends and walking the aisles of a store ALONE and without a big sign over my head that reads:

"COME TALK TO ME AND BLOCK THE AISLE SO I CAN'T GET PAST YOU WITH MY BEHEMOTH STROLLER AND MAKE SURE TO ASK ME LOTS OF PERSONAL QUESTIONS THAT, YOU, YOURSELF WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE ANSWERING AND MAKE SURE TO REACH DOWN AND TRY TO TOUCH MY BABIES' FACES TOO BECAUSE I LOVE WHEN STRANGERS TOUCH MY CHILDREN'S FACES."

See...I already feel better.
Steering back to the topic...I know I need to post more often - for my mental health - and I need to find a way to just do it. Just like the way I feel better when I exercise, go to bed early, have all the laundry folded, sweep all the cheerios off the floor, eat healthy...I need to just do it. Agh.

This week I an doing a lot of reflecting and sighing and a little crying. Because my babies are seriously almost a year old. Actually, that's not the reason for the tears. I guess its the fact that it was a year ago that I really got into the absolute worst part of the pregnancy and I am reminded of that as Thanksgiving approaches. I have a picture that has inspired me to post about that. I'll probably do that after Thanksgiving.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, we're having a small family Thanksgiving at our house. And up until this past weekend, I was planning on cooking the turkey and some sides. And then the reality of what my life currently looks like hit me squarely across the face. As if to say, "HELLO!!!! Are you insane? You are trying to do too much with three very demanding and active infants. Scale back, sister!"

And so I made the executive decision to order a pre-cooked turkey this year. And then I exhaled. PHEW!
I am still making a couple of sides. I CANNOT do Thanksgiving dinner without green bean casserole. My version is my favorite, so I decided I just had to make it. The first Thanksgiving with babies should be interesting. I plan on giving them their first taste of turkey on that day. I can't wait to see how they react to it!

The dryer is done, so I gotta go do laundry, but check out a little collage thingy that Brian made. These are three of my favorite sets of eyeballs in the world!


Guess who?!?

Anonymous comment and the problem with facebook

Anonymous comment and the problem with facebook

I wasn’t planning on talking about it but I want to answer some of your e-mail questions regarding the recent negative comment on my blog.

Yes, I saw the Anonymous comment from last week. I actually read it on the night of my birthday party. Happy Birthday to me!

Yes, it did bother me. For a minute, at least. Then I just moved on. At the time, I felt that focusing on it would be giving it power. I wasn’t planning on addressing it, simply because I didn’t want to give it any of my energy. I would have deleted it, but for some reason I just didn’t. However, because of some of your honest questions, I want to address it and clarify what I think and how I feel.

The fact of the matter is that it’s simply a nasty and mean comment. These things happen. There are lots of people out there who choose to live their lives being nasty and antagonistic to others. Some even choose to go onto strangers’ blogs to do it. That’s the reality of having a public blog.

There was a time when something like this would have wounded me. I would have reacted with outrage. “HOW DARE YOU!” I would have had my fists a-waving! I imagine I would be ranting obnoxiously about the anonymous antagonist and then post some lengthy diatribe about cowardly comment trolls.
Oh, the drama.
How embarrassing.
I needed to seriously grow up.
Luckily for all of you, I am a little more emotionally mature than I was in my twenties. Just a little. I am still obnoxious. But I have definitely become much less reactive and have worked towards being a little more level-headed. Less angry.

No, I don’t know who they are. I know their I.P. address, the city they commented from, the kind of browser they use, what search words they typed into google as they were looking for my blog (they apparently knew what they were looking for and had been to my blog before), what search words they used while visiting my blog…I just don’t know who they are. And I am perfectly fine with that.

What I do know, however, is what I think. And I think that it’s actually really sad. The part that struck me the most wasn’t the profanity or being called sick or selfish, or even having my parenting harshly judged by a stranger. It was the fact that he/she revealed that he/she was a twin himself/herself. Which means, if this person was being honest, they were clearly expressing some seriously intense anger and pain about their own lives and projecting it onto us. How sad is that? And I am not asking that sarcastically. I really mean it. It’s so sad. It is sad that someone is so unhappy and insecure that they are okay with attacking someone else - a complete stranger in this case - with such vitriol. I cannot imagine using my words to denigrate someone on the internet, no matter how fired up I was, how justified I felt or how funny I thought I was being. Its cruel and its wrong.

Some people only know how to lift themselves up by stepping on others. Admittedly, I was once of these people. It took me a while to realize that this is just poisonous living. The negativity breeds and multiplies. And then all that surrounds you is more of the same. It’s an awful place to be. I now find myself REALLY turned off by this kind of stuff. Sure, I am human and I have acted in ways that I later regret. I think we all have gotten a little nasty before. Ideally though, cattiness and maliciousness are not cool.

I am sorry that this person was not willing to leave a name or e-mail address. But that’s how it goes. I would be willing to have a real e-mail conversation with them.
Now, I am done talking about it on my blog. Thanks, friends, for your e-mails of concern.

By the way, the comment was not the reason for the break in posting. I was simply really busy. I spent a week hand-writing 100+ Thank You cards, preparing for my birthday party (post coming soon-ish), and helping my Mom prepare for the babies Tol – or one year birthday party coming up. And speaking of this – can you believe the babies will be one year old in less than a month? I have actually shed a few tears in the past couple of weeks as I watch how quickly they are growing. WOW. I am overwhelmed by how blessed we are to have happy and healthy babies. A ten/eleven month post is in the works. Brian is actually uploading the pictures for me because he is cool like that and because he loves me. And also because he knows I hate doing it.
Other than being busy, the only other excuse I have is....FACEBOOK. I've got a love/hate relationship with it and I wish I never signed up sometimes. Its addicting!!! When I signed up a few months ago, Jessica said, "...welcome to the biggest waste of time since MySpace!" This made me laugh back then and NOW because its SO TRUE. I do not have time for that crap, yet I find myself strangely addicted. I need to exercise some self control.

I will leave you with one of the cutest things ever. I came into the babies’ room to find Alexis playing in her blankets. It seemed, however, that she got “lost”. Check it out:

How cute is my baby girl?!?! That smile melts my heart every time. :)

Because you asked…an FAQ of sorts

I decided to do a post addressing the many questions and comments we have received throughout this process. Although I am a very open person with my close friends and associates, we have been taken aback by some of the questions and comments we have gotten from people. It is AMAZING how comfortable and opinionated semi-strangers get as soon as we mention that there are 3 in the oven (I know...my fault for mentioning it to them in the first place - lesson learned). Although getting these questions from people we don’t know very well can be off-putting for us, I understand that many of our friends and associates are curious as well (except for the ones with whom I’ve been very open and who’ve been privy to many of the details of our long journey to get here) and I guess I would be too. It IS an unusual and amazing thing! We are somewhat of a novelty. So I’m just laying it all out on the table for everyone.

You may sense some obvious sarcasm, but I had to have a little fun with this! :)

Warning – possibly TMI (too much info) for you. If you don’t want to read very personal info, then don’t keep reading.
But, you know you want to.
Here we go… (*takes deep breath):

1. Did you do In-vitro (IVF)? Did you implant 3 embryos? How many did you implant?
We did not do in-vitro. Thus, we did not implant any embryos anywhere.


2. Did you take fertility pills?
I did take the pills for several rounds a couple of years ago and they did nothing (meaning, I did not ovulate and there were no changes/improvements in my overall hormone levels) but make me sick.


3. Is it a natural pregnancy?
It IS a natural pregnancy if you consider that I am a human carrying several human fetuses in my uterus and that it is real and natural. Maybe not normal, but certainly natural. Could you have possibly meant something else? If by “natural” you meant “without medical intervention”, then No.


4. Did you have to “do it” in a doctor’s office?
Ummm…What? Huh? REALLY? Ummmm, NO (and yes I did get that question).


5. Why didn’t you just do it naturally?
I have several friends who have dealt with or are dealing with fertility issues and I know they must love this one. It has been one of my personal favorites. Next to, “why don’t you guys have any kids? Don’t you want kids? How old are you? You better get started…You know your eggs are getting old…” OK, then.
All I can say is I guess we preferred to go through years of pills, injections, invasive examinations, uncomfortable conversations with many doctors, giving lots of blood, tears, disappointments, side effects from drugs, spending loads of money and incredibly insensitive questions from people – rather than just doing it the old fashioned way. We are REBELS!
Obviously I am kidding, but I don’t have an answer to that ridiculous question. Sorry.


6. Maybe next time you’ll just try doing it naturally.
Okie-dokie. Right. Gotcha. I’m not even going to touch that one. See previous blurb.


7. Maybe God didn’t want you to have a baby.
Ooooooh, another doozy! I actually do have an answer to that one.
As most of you know, I am a Christian (a “bible-thumper” as some of you ‘respectfully’ refer to us as) and I do believe in God. However, I don’t believe God would put the desire in our hearts to be parents if we were not going to somehow fulfill that desire – whether through having biological children or adopted children. We would feel equally blessed and privileged to have either opportunity. We wanted to fully pursue one possible option before moving on to the next (adoption) since both can be so emotionally draining and many adoption agencies make you sign a contract stating that you are completely DONE with pursuing fertility options.


8. You just need to relax.
Noted. Thanks. I’d love to. Wanna join me?
I'll let my doctor know that she had it totally wrong all along.


9. Why did you need help? What is wrong with you? What is wrong with him? Who had the ‘problem’?
Nothing is wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with him. But thanks for asking!
In a nutshell - A few years ago when I decided to (open Pandora’s box) stop taking birth control, I had a backlash of symptoms which indicated a hormonal imbalance and I discovered I that had Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This explained a lot of the issues that I had been having (and ignoring, unfortunately) for many years. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I did not ovulate and that my ovaries were enlarged and hardened with thousands of cysts inside. The doctor said it was probable that I had never ovulated, which helped to explain the irregular periods (which I was on the pill to regulate). Basically, my only options to deal with PCOS symptoms were either go on birth control OR take fertility drugs. Since we knew we wanted to start “trying”, the fertility drugs were the only option. Thus began the hormone pills (which made me feel very nauseous like I do now with morning sickness), and then fertility pills and more hormones and more hormones and more hormones and eventually injections which I gave myself in the stomach every day during each round. There were breaks and a doctor change over the years but overall it felt like we had been doing this forever. But, we had 2 goals:
#1 feeling better by correcting my symptoms including the hormonal imbalance and the anovulation.
#2 getting (and staying) pregnant.
2 very big goals, I know. We had a timeline and a plan so that we weren’t ending up doing this forever. Believe me, many times I wanted to just go back on the pill and feel better and forget everything. But I couldn’t give up yet, because we hadn’t exhausted all of our possibilities.

So to clarify, if you want to know WHO had the problem, I guess it was me (woo hoo!) with the ovulatory dysfunction. Brian got tested and trust me when I say he passed with flying colors. Evidently, his swim team are gold medal winners, if you know what I mean. And those are the doctor’s words, not mine.


10. So what is PCOS?
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (AKA Stein-Leventhal Syndrome) is the name given to a metabolic condition in which a woman will have polycystic ovaries, along with a certain pattern of other symptoms that reflect imbalances in reproductive and other hormones. Symptoms will vary with each individual. Symptoms include, but are not limited to:
-multiple cysts on the ovaries
-infertility
-multiple hormone imbalances including some of the following hormones:
· Androgens (testosterone)
· Cortisol
· Estrogens
· FSH (follicle stimulating hormone)
· Insulin
· LH (luteinizing hormone)
· progesterone
· Prolactin
· Thyroid hormones

11. I have a friend who tried and then stopped trying and adopted and then they got pregnant. You should just stop trying and adopt. Then you’ll get pregnant!
I know the famous stories and I even know a couple of folks with similar stories (adopting and then POOF getting pregnant). My first OB/GYN was actually one of those people. Her story is amazing and I am so happy for her. I am also glad for your friend. I really am, it is wonderful. I have found much hope in these stories.
I also know that we have a plan and that we have not excluded adoption, which is/was our next step.
But you didn’t know that. So thanks anyway for the unsolicited advice.


12. Triplets? Are you crazy? Why would you want 3? Don’t you know how hard that will be? You don’t know what you’re getting into. You’re never going to be able to (insert any fun adult activity here) again. You’re gonna be broke forever. {and so on and so on and so on}
Thanks for all the the support and positivity!
But, really...we are very aware that our life is drastically changing. This has actually already begun. I am trying my best to focus on the possibilities and the positive side of all of this – and NOT to freak out and focus on all the negatives because there is a lot to be anxious about if I let myself go there. Tough times will come whether I decide to obsess over them, or not – so why bother? Yes, I know that I am going to need LOTS of help and I already appreciate all the help I am going to get. Thank you.
Trust me when I say we tried to avoid having more than one, due to the potential risks involved. We cancelled one of the procedures, lowered dosages on the injections, abstained from you-know-what, etc. But, when we saw that ultrasound screen showing 3 little heartbeats, I was SHOCKED and HORRIFIED at first, I have to be honest. I could not believe it and I was scared out of my mind. I almost cried - tears of sheer terror. Obviously, I got myself together and Brian pulled his heart out of his throat and we embraced all of it. Now, we couldn’t imagine it any other way! We are glad there are 3 - We love them all. I wouldn’t change any of it. And yes, since you ask, I guess we ARE crazy. But you already knew that, babies or not. Yes, I know it will be challenging but this is our life now and we accept it with open arms. These are our children. :)


13. You know, when there are multiples, a lot of times at least one of them doesn’t make it.
Brian actually got this one from someone, and I couldn’t believe it.
Tactfully executed, dude. And to answer, we are aware that triplet pregnancies carry more risk than singleton or twin pregnancies. I can’t say we don’t worry. This is categorized as a 'high risk' pregnancy. We have already had many doctors’ appointments and tests and there are many more to come. We have had many discussions with our doctor and many with just the two of us. We have educated ourselves as best we can. Our doctors seem positive and confident. This isn't 10-15 years ago. Even in the last 5 years, Maternal-Fetal medicine and Perinatal medicine have made huge advances (since the incidences of multiple births have skyrocketed due to advanced fertility treatments). We feel that with our doctors we are doing everything we can to ensure the healthiest pregnancy possible in our situation.

14. Have you considered reducing down to 1 or 2? Have you considered aborting at least one of them?
I’ve gotten many versions of this one from a surprising number of people. It’s hard for me to understand why it is ok to ask this one. I certainly would not go to someone who is clearly happy to be pregnant and ask if they are considering having an abortion, even if I were thinking it in my head. Of course, it is fine for you to wonder...but I just can’t imagine actually asking. I understand that Brian and I are “different” since there are so many babies inside of me and that some people have judged us and looked down on us for deciding to keep all of them. But selective reduction is a subject that we did not take lightly. Before beginning any treatments, we did lots of research and had many conversations making sure we were prepared for the risks. We knew the topic would come up again if we became pregnant with multiples. Although we had already reached a firm decision about how we felt about reduction in general, I did lots of research again once I found out we were having triplets. I could not find compelling enough evidence for us that the risks of carrying a triplet pregnancy were much higher than the risks associated with multi-fetal reduction. I am not saying that everyone should feel the way we do. I am just saying that we are very comfortable with our decision.


15. See, I knew you would get pregnant as soon as you stopped working. All you needed to do was quit your job and it would just “happen”.
While I absolutely do believe the truth in this one (getting rid of stress), I actually did get pregnant while I was still working, earlier in the year. Unfortunately we lost that one.
And we did really need the income. I wasn’t just working for fun, trust me on this. And as it turns out, leaving my job wasn’t the only thing I needed to do. I also needed to inject thousands of dollars worth of hormones into my lower abdomen every night and go to the doctor every 2 days for blood tests and ultrasounds to watch my ovaries for hyper-stimulation. But, yes, you’re absolutely right...that’s ALL I needed to do.

16. Are you gonna keep all 3?
Heavens no! I figure we can sell at least one of them on E-Bay to recover the cost of the treatments. Let me know if you’re interested. Highest bidder wins pick of the litter.

So that should do it. That was all I could think ok. I hope you laughed and didn't freak out if you have ever asked one of these questions. If you're one of the one's we were thinking of while putting this together, you probably don't have access to this blog. So don't worry! HA HA!

We love you all-