still waiting

We're going nuts over here. We don't have any official report yet from the spinal tap. No big changes. Her vitals are stable since being intubated. But she honestly looks so different. I keep looking at her face to see if she will change back to looking like my baby again. Our tiny girl looks so sad and tired. Her color is different. I hate this so much. I gotta keep it together for all of them. This is so hard. I want my baby to be well and grow healthily. My heart is aching. The doctors say we are just taking things one day at a time.
On a positive note, the boys are doing very well. Jackson has gained weight and now weighs 5ls 2.8oz! They are taking him off all IV fluids (he was on fats and electrolytes) and removing his PICC line. He is doing such a good job practicing his sucking with the pacifier. He's training for bottle feeding! He will soon be moved from the incubator to a crib. He is getting so chubby - he has 3 chins! He is so animated and makes everyone laugh. He especially likes a particular nurse. I call her his girlfriend. :)
Zachary is also thriving. He now weighs 4lbs 8oz and they have removed his nasal canula (again). He is so mellow and just likes to examine everything around him. He LOVES when his daddy holds him. No one can calm him better than his daddy. They are increasing his feedings daily so I know he will catch up to Jackson's weight very soon! My big boy is so cute!

Its so bizarre feeling such fear and at the same time feeling such joy. I cannot wait until my babies are all healthy and out of the NICU. There is no rest when your babies are in intensive care. I think about them 24 hours a day. I am trying to stay as relaxed as possible, under the circumstances, since my milk supply has decreased a bit from the stress. I am trying to stay positive and not cry too much since I know my babies feel my stress. Brian and I are doing our best to keep positive. I feel a total loss of control. I can only pray. I pray that God heals my baby and gives her strength.
Thanks for your prayers and PLEASE continue to pray for my babies, especially our little Alexis.

Much Love,
Cindy