Thursday, June 19, 2008

We Start Saturday

I just popped the very last of my antibiotics (prescribed to treat a very persistent and intense eye infection) and I feel like crap. I feel as if every cell in my body is weakened and burned out. I have been exhausted to the point of almost wanting to lay down right on the kitchen floor because the thought of staying awake is painful. Although these very powerful antibiotics have definitely taken care of my eye infection, I believe that they have also thrown my already tetering system way out of balance inside.
I was talking to my sister about how crappy I felt, not thinking about the fact that I was taking this very powerful antibiotic - and she brought up the possibility of dysbiosis brought on by an overgrowth of candida. Basically, the antibiotic not only killed all of my eye infection but also my 'good bacteria'.

AH HA. A light went on. It made total sense.

I was familiar with the symptoms: fatigue, headache, mood swings, sinus congestion, depression, poor memory and concentration, and cravings for sweets. Although most traditional medical practitioners seem to dismiss it (out of ignorance?) I knew there was something to it when I first learned from my friend's mom (Eva) about it years ago.
Last year, my sister was having the same problems I am having now and came to realize that she was likely having symptoms of Candida. She did a candida cleanse/detox and within the first few days of the 30-day cleanse she re-gained her energy and felt much better.

I think that I am finally out of the cloud that I was living in the first few months with the babies. Brian and I were in survival mode and we did what we needed to do to get through, knowing that we'd have to pay for it later. Caffeine (once I stopped pumping), conveniece foods, horrible eating habits, etc...although this was what we 'needed' to do to get by back then, I am READY to get to a healthier place.

Plainly, I feel like crap. Antibiotics or not.

This past week on antibiotics was just the big push I needed. I needed to feel THIS CRAPPY and kill every good bacteria in my body, throwing it completely out of whack - I needed to feel this crappy to make a change.
That PLUS the fact that once I stopped pumping/nursing the pounds came globbing themselves back onto my apple shaped body as quickly as you can say Diet Pepsi and potato chips at Midnight.

Temporary survival skills become bad habits become miserable lifestyle.

I do not want to feel like this.

My job is hard enough. I don't need to make it harder by doing everything that makes me more tired.

So I have been mentally preparing myself for this jolt to my system. My sister is doing it with me so I've got moral support AND accountability. No, I am not making Brian do it with me, although I am sure that he will be affected by it - especially in the first few days when I am detoxing from Diet Pepsi (caffeine) and Ice Cream (sugar). Sorry babe.
But seriously, the only thing that I think will truly kill me is the fact that I am not allowed to eat rice for 30 days.
This is nearly unacceptable.
I AM A KOREAN GIRL.
Yes, only half - but my Korean mom was the cook in the house growing up and as my mom jokes, I've got the 'korean stomach'. My dad would joke that I've got a 'kimchi temper', but that is another other issue altogether.
Back to the rice, if my sister could do it, so can I. I will not have a choice, really, as she will be so far up my butt and have Brian make sure I am following the program. WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO.

And I've been reading that detoxing in general has been quite a trend. Oprah just sucessfully completed a 21 day de-tox. Hers, however, is totally vegan - no meat. I can't imagine with the way Brian cooks fish, especially salmon, NOT being able to eat fish! Thank goodness I can eat it (and chicken too).

But this isn't about following a trend. Its about feeling normal again. I think we go so long feeling so crappy and totally spent and then depending on REALLY unhealthy ways just to get by (e.g. caffeine overload to stay awake & too much alcohol every evening to 'relax') that it becomes our normal. I don't want to live that way and I don't want to teach my kids that way of life either. Sure, I will enjoy my favorite things again, in moderation. I LOVE my white wine with dinner!!! I LOVE my Diet Pepsi. A fun night out with flowing margaritas? HELL YES! I'm just taking a break. I need to push the 'RESET' button and start over. Create a new normal.
Re-learn moderation.

Day one is Saturday. I've made a commitment. There's no turning back. I am scared to death and excited at the same time.