Tuesday, November 13, 2007

27w4d

Ever since I found out I was pregnant with triplets, I've been told these 2 things by other women who have also had a multiples pregnancy and by my doctors:

1. The end will be incredibly difficult and be psychologically and physically more challenging than anything I've ever done.
2. Some days are going to be much better/worse than others.

Boy is it ever the truth. I am totally spent. Yesterday was a rough pregnancy day for me. I was exhausted and so uncomfortable. I know, I know...I am always exhausted and uncomfortable but this is so different and its not going away. I have real pain. I feel like someone kicked me in the crotch with a steel-toed boot. Lovely, I know. I turned away visitors because I am just too tired and unconfortable I haven't wanted anyone in my house. Not even my own mom.
I have been so tired that I spontaneously fall asleep. And I really mean spontaneously. Just Sunday night, Brian and I were sitting on the couch talking and watching TV and I apparently just passed out and started snoring right then and there. It was only a little after 8pm. It hits me like a ton of bricks. I felt similarly tired in the first trimester but I don't remember it being this bad. Another thing I am spontaneously doing is crying. I will just burst into tears and continue crying for a while. Its not without a real reason, I guess. I mean, I am feeling a lot of things. But it almost feels as if I am just crying from exhaustion, if that makes any sense.
Also, it is hard to be 100% dependent on others for everything. That is taking its emotional toll. I feel like a burden and I hate it. This is one issue that will probably be better for me in the hospital since I won't feel like as much of a burden to the nurses in the hospital as I do at home. And as far as I know for now, Wednesday still looks like the day that I go back in. I am trying to get geared up for it.
I am also trying to prepare for the gastroenterologist appointment I have this afternoon. Which, BTW, was another thing that I felt bad about because all of my usual rides had to work and I am not allowed to drive myself anywhere - my mom had to arrange something at work so she could take me. And yes, I know I could have found SOMEONE to take me but this late in the game I feel most comfortable with Brian, my sister or my parents - just in case I have a meltdown or puke in the car or something fun like that. Yum. Anyway, I don't like going into situations not knowing what to expect so I have a little anxiety about this afternoon's appt. The bright side, however, is that I get to go outside. I haven't been outside in over a week. My eyeballs may burn up when the sun hits them. Ha ha! I just pray that everything is OK and there is nothing really serious to that whole liver dysfunction thing. I probably won't find out for several days...keep praying!
I actually feel like I am getting much bigger, which is very painful for my body but good for these babies. Grow, babies...GROW!
I know that I've been sounding down and I'm sorry about that. I am just having a rough time in this home stretch. But I've got a lot to be grateful for and I can actually see three little lights at the end of this tunnel. As much as they are crushing my insides, I am so happy that I can feel them moving around. These poor guys are totally cramped in there. :)
I am also grateful for the people around me that help me to NOT focus on the negatives (how hard things are going to be, how much more tired I am going to get, etc.) and only say loving, positive and supportive things to us. It really helps, thank you. :)
Our families have really kept us stocked with food which has been so helpful, thank you. A crowded fridge is a wonderful problem to have!! Brian and I will be eating lots of dinners together in the hospital for a while so eating good food at home has been nice. Although, who am I kidding...I know my mom will be bringing more food from home to the hospital like she did every day last time. That saved my life! :)
OK, so its naptime (an apparently time for another batch of tears to spontaneously appear on my face). I better get some rest before my appt. Take care!

Much Love,
Cindy