A post about posting

A post about posting

I've been trying to post more often. No, really. Its not that I don't have lots to say. I've got a plethora of posts written in my head. But, then I just get too tired to say any of it. I end up piddling around on Facebook and WHAT A WASTE OF TIME THAT IS. I would be afraid of Brian getting annoyed, except for the fact that HE is an even BIGGER Facebook junkie than I am, so what can he really say?

Thing is, I feel better when I blog more often. Posting seems to have a really therapeutic affect. This was especially true in the early days when I somehow found a way to post while attached to baby number four (my breastpump) every three hours. It was my only way of feeling like I was more than a deliriously tired and emotionally unstable feeding machine. When I do actually write a post, I feel weight lifted off of my chest and my head is a little clearer. Something about talking to babies all day doesn't provide that same release that I once got when I worked outside of the house with other adults. The babies and I don't exactly have what I would call reciprocal conversations. Not that I don't enjoy it. I LOVE IT. I am exhausted, but happy.

And leaving the house, while nice, can be more stressful than staying home because I am a freakshow. Explaining how I got pregnant and that YES, they are triplets and NO, they are not natural (They're actually made of BPA-free plastic), and YES, they're all mine and YES, we "Did" fertility and YES, that is so cool how your friend/aunt/niece/co-worker has twins and YES, I do watch Jon and Kate Plus Eight and YES, I have my hands full and YES, I am alone with them every day and NO, we don't get help from the government and NO, twins/triplets don't run in our family and YES, better me than you and YES, they do sleep at night and YES, they have different personalities and NO, they are not identical (that one always gets me) and NO, it doesn't "suck" thankyouverymuch and YES, they are all mine and YES, I am very blessed and happy, thanks for asking... *Sigh*
That is not the kind of adult conversation I crave.
I don't really want to talk to any stranger. I am not THAT desperate. Yet.

I just miss chit chat and going to lunch with my girlfriends and walking the aisles of a store ALONE and without a big sign over my head that reads:

"COME TALK TO ME AND BLOCK THE AISLE SO I CAN'T GET PAST YOU WITH MY BEHEMOTH STROLLER AND MAKE SURE TO ASK ME LOTS OF PERSONAL QUESTIONS THAT, YOU, YOURSELF WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE ANSWERING AND MAKE SURE TO REACH DOWN AND TRY TO TOUCH MY BABIES' FACES TOO BECAUSE I LOVE WHEN STRANGERS TOUCH MY CHILDREN'S FACES."

See...I already feel better.
Steering back to the topic...I know I need to post more often - for my mental health - and I need to find a way to just do it. Just like the way I feel better when I exercise, go to bed early, have all the laundry folded, sweep all the cheerios off the floor, eat healthy...I need to just do it. Agh.

This week I an doing a lot of reflecting and sighing and a little crying. Because my babies are seriously almost a year old. Actually, that's not the reason for the tears. I guess its the fact that it was a year ago that I really got into the absolute worst part of the pregnancy and I am reminded of that as Thanksgiving approaches. I have a picture that has inspired me to post about that. I'll probably do that after Thanksgiving.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, we're having a small family Thanksgiving at our house. And up until this past weekend, I was planning on cooking the turkey and some sides. And then the reality of what my life currently looks like hit me squarely across the face. As if to say, "HELLO!!!! Are you insane? You are trying to do too much with three very demanding and active infants. Scale back, sister!"

And so I made the executive decision to order a pre-cooked turkey this year. And then I exhaled. PHEW!
I am still making a couple of sides. I CANNOT do Thanksgiving dinner without green bean casserole. My version is my favorite, so I decided I just had to make it. The first Thanksgiving with babies should be interesting. I plan on giving them their first taste of turkey on that day. I can't wait to see how they react to it!

The dryer is done, so I gotta go do laundry, but check out a little collage thingy that Brian made. These are three of my favorite sets of eyeballs in the world!


Guess who?!?

Anonymous comment and the problem with facebook

Anonymous comment and the problem with facebook

I wasn’t planning on talking about it but I want to answer some of your e-mail questions regarding the recent negative comment on my blog.

Yes, I saw the Anonymous comment from last week. I actually read it on the night of my birthday party. Happy Birthday to me!

Yes, it did bother me. For a minute, at least. Then I just moved on. At the time, I felt that focusing on it would be giving it power. I wasn’t planning on addressing it, simply because I didn’t want to give it any of my energy. I would have deleted it, but for some reason I just didn’t. However, because of some of your honest questions, I want to address it and clarify what I think and how I feel.

The fact of the matter is that it’s simply a nasty and mean comment. These things happen. There are lots of people out there who choose to live their lives being nasty and antagonistic to others. Some even choose to go onto strangers’ blogs to do it. That’s the reality of having a public blog.

There was a time when something like this would have wounded me. I would have reacted with outrage. “HOW DARE YOU!” I would have had my fists a-waving! I imagine I would be ranting obnoxiously about the anonymous antagonist and then post some lengthy diatribe about cowardly comment trolls.
Oh, the drama.
How embarrassing.
I needed to seriously grow up.
Luckily for all of you, I am a little more emotionally mature than I was in my twenties. Just a little. I am still obnoxious. But I have definitely become much less reactive and have worked towards being a little more level-headed. Less angry.

No, I don’t know who they are. I know their I.P. address, the city they commented from, the kind of browser they use, what search words they typed into google as they were looking for my blog (they apparently knew what they were looking for and had been to my blog before), what search words they used while visiting my blog…I just don’t know who they are. And I am perfectly fine with that.

What I do know, however, is what I think. And I think that it’s actually really sad. The part that struck me the most wasn’t the profanity or being called sick or selfish, or even having my parenting harshly judged by a stranger. It was the fact that he/she revealed that he/she was a twin himself/herself. Which means, if this person was being honest, they were clearly expressing some seriously intense anger and pain about their own lives and projecting it onto us. How sad is that? And I am not asking that sarcastically. I really mean it. It’s so sad. It is sad that someone is so unhappy and insecure that they are okay with attacking someone else - a complete stranger in this case - with such vitriol. I cannot imagine using my words to denigrate someone on the internet, no matter how fired up I was, how justified I felt or how funny I thought I was being. Its cruel and its wrong.

Some people only know how to lift themselves up by stepping on others. Admittedly, I was once of these people. It took me a while to realize that this is just poisonous living. The negativity breeds and multiplies. And then all that surrounds you is more of the same. It’s an awful place to be. I now find myself REALLY turned off by this kind of stuff. Sure, I am human and I have acted in ways that I later regret. I think we all have gotten a little nasty before. Ideally though, cattiness and maliciousness are not cool.

I am sorry that this person was not willing to leave a name or e-mail address. But that’s how it goes. I would be willing to have a real e-mail conversation with them.
Now, I am done talking about it on my blog. Thanks, friends, for your e-mails of concern.

By the way, the comment was not the reason for the break in posting. I was simply really busy. I spent a week hand-writing 100+ Thank You cards, preparing for my birthday party (post coming soon-ish), and helping my Mom prepare for the babies Tol – or one year birthday party coming up. And speaking of this – can you believe the babies will be one year old in less than a month? I have actually shed a few tears in the past couple of weeks as I watch how quickly they are growing. WOW. I am overwhelmed by how blessed we are to have happy and healthy babies. A ten/eleven month post is in the works. Brian is actually uploading the pictures for me because he is cool like that and because he loves me. And also because he knows I hate doing it.
Other than being busy, the only other excuse I have is....FACEBOOK. I've got a love/hate relationship with it and I wish I never signed up sometimes. Its addicting!!! When I signed up a few months ago, Jessica said, "...welcome to the biggest waste of time since MySpace!" This made me laugh back then and NOW because its SO TRUE. I do not have time for that crap, yet I find myself strangely addicted. I need to exercise some self control.

I will leave you with one of the cutest things ever. I came into the babies’ room to find Alexis playing in her blankets. It seemed, however, that she got “lost”. Check it out:

How cute is my baby girl?!?! That smile melts my heart every time. :)