Tuesday, December 20, 2011


How to begin.  I don't know.  It's been way too long.  Is anyone even reading?   Not likely.
So I will just address my kids.

Dear Kids,
I want you to know that the reason I haven't blogged in months is not that I stopped caring, but that I just couldn't do it.  I've been busy.  Very busy.  I know you will understand this when you have your own kids and you look back at your tired old mother and realize, "HOLY CRAP - my Mom did this too, except she had her kids all at once and then had ANOTHER ONE and then OHMYGOSH, no wonder why she was so crazy and tired and yelled so much (sorry)!"

At least, I hope you realize that.  I know I already owe you many apologies. But that's a completely different blog post for another time.  So just give me a minute.

Back to it - It's been so long that I've actually lost my ads.  It wasn't much money, but it did pay for some diapers, and we could use all the help we could get for that!!!
I feel bad that SO MUCH has happened, and it's now gone, with no real documentation (Facebook does NOT count).  So I have made it my New Year's Resolution to get back to the blog.  What does that look like?  Probably something like once a week.
One way to make that easier is to find a way to get a new computer.  When my computer died a couple years ago, there was a sharp decline in my already slowing blog-posting.  I've been sharing a computer with your Daddy, and that's just not the same as having your own.  Not that I am complaining - I love sharing everything with your Daddy, but it's much easier to do a quick blog post when I can just whip out my own laptop and type out a post and then click "publish", all while conveniently and comfortably sitting on the couch and watching NFL network with your Daddy, instead of folding laundry.

So that's the deal.  A lot has happened in the past year.  And while I won't be able to really describe it all, I will try to give it you some of it in a nutshell.  Or, even better, a list.  Here we go:

January - We had a big healthy FULLY COOKED baby.  While I enjoyed that pregnancy, the birth (surgery) was AWFUL and I learned a lot about myself and my needs re: the birth process (even with c-section), which doesn't matter anymore since we aren't having any more kids.
I became crippled with anxiety.

February - I finally 'got' breastfeeding, but not before wanting to rip my hair out and crying many tears - sobbing, really.  I completely lost my sh*t.  And I mean completely.

March -  My hair started to fall out in chunks.  I went on Zoloft for post-partum depression.   I started pumping late at night - EVERY  NIGHT - to build a freezer supply for when I went back to work.  FYI - that freezer supply, which I worked SO HARD to build, was completely depleted within two months after going back to work.  I felt defeated.  I cried some more.  Then I shut up and kept pumping.  

April - I moved baby-sister out of my bedroom and into her own crib.  I cried.  She didn't. The whole front of my head was bald.    Not actually sure which month, but Your Daddy picked up a second job so that I could stay home with you for longer before going back to work.  Because he is a good man and he loves us all.  I cried a lot.

May - I started to gain back all the weight I just lost.  I finally, finally FINALLY completely potty trained triplets (That's YOU).  And then I died.  Note:  I would rather get a bikini wax every day, than potty train triplets again.

June - I started getting more sleep.  I somehow didn't feel any less stressed.  What IS that?   I got a haircut to help hide the baldness.

July - Started swim lessons for the triplets (or was it June?).  Did lots of playdates and day trips to keep things going, since I was really on the verge.  Zoloft wasn't helping and I was a mess.

August - Went back to work.  Bitter sweet.  Started with just one day a week.  Bawled my eyes out the first day.  Then put on my big girl panties and sucked it up.  I enjoyed seeing my friends again.  Used my lunch break to feed the breastpump.  Wanted to punch every kid that complained to ME about being tired.  Good times.

September - Discovered Mother's Day Out (pay as you go 'preschool') at a local church.  Saved.  My.  Life.  Stopped crying every day.

October - Stopped taking the Zoloft because it screwed with my already screwy hormones and gave me horrible cystic acne.  Still have the acne :-/   I never had zits the entire time I was in junior high and high school - but then I have a baby at 34 and go on anti-depressants - and I suddenly am covered with zits!
Dress all of you like Star Wars characters for Halloween.  It was a hit.

November - Turned 35.  With pizza-face zits like a 14 year old.

December - Here I am.  A lot more has happened that I could really mention here.  As challenging as this year has been, I have to say it has been an incredibly blessed year.  There has been much healing and restoration in this home, and I believe that God blessing us with the surprise of baby sister (Hi Cassidy) was to do just that.  I have been blessed with new friends, sharing in the same season of life, which has really provided much support and kept me from stabbing myself in the eye.  Our family has been showered with love and blessings from friends and family, and I know that although we don't have it easy when it comes to finances, we are RICH when it comes to love from our friends and loved ones.  We are so grateful.


Anonymous said...

Hi Cindy!! Just before going to bed I checked your blog. It's wonderful hearing from you! Much love to Brian and your beautiful children!!!! Linda

debi9kids said...

I still read...when I can and when you post :)
Good you have yourself under control. It's so important (this coming from me still struggling with my own "issues")

Jen said...

Love it! thanks for posting! I guess I need to get back to my blog! Got to love Bonus Babies! :-)

Molly said...

hiiiiii! I'm still here!

Pam said...

So good to hear from you Cindy! I'm sorry you have had such a rough year, but you have such rewards at the end of each day, you have a beautiful family! I hope next year starts of great for you next year and continues to be a good year.....Merry Christmas and give lots of hugs and kisses to those babies! Your friend in East Texas, Pam.

Mary Snyder said...

I know it took a lot of courage just to come back here and post! I know this because I have not done it yet. ;-) Kudos to you Cindy Spayth for constantly being stronger than the rest of us!!!!

C(h)ristine said...

We're all still here! It's good to hear your voice.

Anonymous said...

So good to see a new post! I've always loved your blog because of your candidness and sense of humor--you always tell it like it is, and I love that, it's so refreshing. All the best to you and your family in the New Year!