change of plans

So Jackson is NOT coming home today. He had some A's & B's (apnea & bradycardia - breathing and heartrate dips) spells during his feedings last night and this morning. Its like he's telling us he's not ready to go home yet. This is just another example of the 2 steps forward and 1 step back they told us about with having preemies in the NICU.
I was so excited and now I am so disappointed. Of course, I am glad he 'let us know' he wasn't ready before coming home and that this didn't happen at home. Its so odd that he had these episodes now. He hasn't had these dips during any of his breastfeedings. It had been a good amount of time since he's had them at all and he seemed to have outgrown them. At least they caught him before sending him home.
This was such a good day (FOR ME) for him to come home since its a long weekend and Brian doesn't have to be back at work until Tuesday. Maybe he'll be ready to come home at the end of this week and we could wrap his homecoming around next weekend. Maybe he just didn't want to leave his brother and sister because he would miss them too much! :)
I hope he improves and we can bring him home soon. I want to bring them all home NOW but I know they're not ready. They've been there for almost 6 weeks. SIX WEEKS. If one more person tells me to enjoy this time before they come home, I am going to stick a pen in my eye. Its not like I hang out at home and chill out while my babies are at the NICU. I am there with them everyday and night and usually call during one of my middle of the night pumpings. It is exhausting. But they need their mommy and I need them. Otherwise they spend too much time in their plastic boxes. I KNOW it will be hard with them at home but having my babies in the hospital is difficult and I am missing them so much.
One day at a time.